Housemate hunt hell

Ok, so let me tell you about the absolute ball ache that has been my search for a house mate.

After moving back into my two bedroom apartment I paid the exorbitant amount of $49.95 to list the second room for rent on www.realestate.com.au. The response has been less than impressive.

There was the English junior doctor who, despite me explaining to get in the lift and come up to level 5, took the stairs and then got locked in the stairwell and had to call me to rescue him. I can't live with a person that needs saving.

Then there was the Indian office worker who couldn't find my massive four-building apartment complex just off a major road and next to a major infrastructure landmark, so I had to give him explicit treasure map-like instructions (stand with your back to this building, now walk 200 meters straight ahead, now turn to your right...). I can't live with an idiot.

Then there was the Malaysian woman in hotpants and high heels, who assumed that it would be okay if her young son stayed over a couple of nights a week. I can't live with children.

Then there was the cute Italian man who only wanted to stay for three months. I can't go through this process again so soon.

Then there was the pocket-rocket Army Reserve girl, who I really liked and asked to move in but she had found somewhere cheaper.

Then there was the construction worker, who was so ocker I immediately knew without meeting him that he had a Southern Cross tattoo somewhere on his body. I can't live with stereotypical patriotic permanent body markings.

Then there was the crazed stalker. I want to give you his name, so that you can steer clear of this loony, but then there might be legal implications. So I will hint at it. His name was Jonathan Generic-name-for-a-feathered-flying-animal. And he always referred to himself by his full name. He came to have a look at the place on Wednesday and said he was interested, but I told him I still had another couple of people coming to look at the place so would let him know on the weekend. He then called me Friday at work, when I couldn't answer the phone. He then called me twice on Saturday when I was driving down the coast, when I couldn't answer the phone. He then called me as soon as I arrived down the coast, when I could answer the phone but was hesitant to because of his persistence. So I sent him a message saying that I was sorry I couldn't take his calls but I was at a wedding (little white lie, I know), and that a friend of mine was going to move in to the room, and wished him luck finding somewhere else. He wrote back "aha ok well your time might not be valuable but that doesn't mean you can waste others". Jonathan, thank you for revealing your true nature and confirming that I had indeed made the right decision in not letting you move in you effing stalker freak.

So the hunt for a housemate is suspended for the time being. I'm looking forward to having a couple of weeks off from the freak parade before I can muster the courage to do it all over again.