Oh, hai!

*slinks back in*

Okay, so I lied.

I am a rubbish blogger. But to be honest, it doesn't really matter seeing as I now see my mother regularly and Nathan is buggering off to London so there is my readership gone.

Work is still busy and I am still getting out and having fun. With all of my friends leaving Brisbane (PS don't waste your time watching that movie, it was gosh darn awful) I have decided that I need fun new activities. Nick and I have been mooting the idea of french lessons, dodgeball and me watching him play tennis. In reality, my activities of late have consisted of swimming in the newly-rediscovered pool in my apartment complex, complaining about my air-conditioning being broken, enjoying Sunday sessions by the river, supplementing my very black wardrobe with accents of colour, planning my holiday to somewhere interesting in Asia in July, and working long hours.

So it has been difficult to find time to update my blog lately. I don't have the internet at home anymore, my neighbours have decided to secure their wi-fi, and at work I have moved from my very nice window seat to a desk facing a grey wall outside my divisional manager's office with my director sitting behind me. I am uninspired and closely monitored - not a good combination for regular or entertaining blogging.

I may or may not update this again soon...

A quick summary of recent events

Gosh, it has been quite a while since I posted on here.

Things have been crazy busy lately. I spent Christmas down the coast with the family, saw in the new year with my closest friends and some awesome tunes, danced in the torrential rain at Sunset Sounds, survived the flood and helped others with the clean up, worked long hours in the emergency Flood Communications team when I returned to work, and rocked Australia Day with snags and swims and cider yesterday.

So now that we've caught up, blogging can return to normal! *crowd cheers*

An open letter

Dear work colleague,

Please do not tell me that I look tired.

I had a long day yesterday, I was up at 5am this morning, I haven't had coffee yet, I know how effing tired I am.

So you telling me that my eyes are puffy does not help the situation at all.

In fact it makes it worse, because I thought my liberally applied concealer had masked it a little.

Your pointless comment was a kick in the guts, so thank you.

Now shut the hell up.

Yawns sincerly,
Mumbles

Hi y'all

When requested to write original material, I suddenly went quiet, despite a lot going on lately. Well, here's a wrap up.

In the last few weeks I...

• Met Rusty's younger, better looking brother outside Jess's apartment building - Rusty used to be a damn good looking bike, but now he's like a handsomely weathered older man
  
• Nearly ruined Nathan's pristine white kitchen with a flood of red wine (which was then overshadowed by Tyler setting a napkin on fire and nearly burning Nathan's apartment to the ground)
  
• Was dumped in a most passive aggressive way
  
• Had the best time at Splendour with my closest friends, where I danced and I walked and I ate donuts as big as my head and I bought a dress and I got a stomach ulcer from a frozen margarita and I slept in a station wagon and I enjoyed spending some time with Ross and Sarah and I wore leopard print gumboots and I experienced my happiest music moment ever at Goldfrapp.
  
• Spent a hilarious night with Jim Bob and Michelle and a bottle of red wine (it was Sticks Pinot Noir, Nathy!), discussing what sounds look like
  
• Fell a little bit in love with Iggy, Jim Bob's son
  
• Found out that Rusty needs $800 worth of work done (can you really put a price on my safety, fun and happiness though?)
  
• Have been absolutely under the pump at work, so really should get back to it
  

Later skaters...

Song of the day: Maria

Today's song is Blondie's "Maria".

According to Wikipedia... "Maria" is a song by the American band Blondie, taken from their 1999 album No Exit. This song was Blondie's comeback single, their first since "War Child" in July 1982. In the UK, it was the band's sixth no.1 single, topping the charts exactly 20 years after their first UK no.1 "Heart of Glass" in 1979.

A few years ago I dated a guitar tech and his friend got us backstage passes to Blondie at the Gold Coast Convention Centre, so we got to sit side of stage for the gig. I had a slamming headache so wanted a drink to take some panadol. Lindz directed me to the catering room, where I collected some drinks for him and I. As I was walking out I literally bumped into Deborah Harry, which caused me to make a little surprised shriek noise and run away.

I sing this song a lot at work, as one of the projects is managed by a lady called Maria and her name is mentioned semi-regularly. Every so often I will start singing and not realise it, such as the other day when I was standing waiting for a lift with Bec. Upon alighting at our floor Bec burst out laughing and told me that the lady we were in the lift with was *that* Maria.

Maria, you've gotta see her, go insane and out of your mind...

Song of the day!

It came up in conversation with a colleague yesterday that she had never heard of Mel and Kim - quelle horreur! So I have taken to emailing her a song of the day, in order to introduce her to some "classic" favourite music of mine.

Hmmm, it appears I have some sort of fascination with things of a set calendar period, don't I?

Anyway, here are the first two...


Yesterday's song was Mel & Kim's "Respectable".

According to Wikipedia.... Mel and Kim were a British pop duo, comprising sisters Melanie and Kim Appleby. They achieved success between 1986 and 1988 before Melanie succumbed to terminal illness.

They were also responsible for bringing the fedora hat back in to fashion.

Take take take take, tt-t-t-t-t-take take, take or leave it, only please believe it, we ain't never gonna be respectable!


Today's song is Joy Division's "Love will tear us apart".

According to Wikipedia.... Love Will Tear Us Apart" is a song by the British post-punk band Joy Division. "Love Will Tear Us Apart" was written in August and September 1979, and debuted when the band supported Buzzcocks on their UK tour in September and October 1979. It is one of the few songs in which singer Ian Curtis played guitar (albeit somewhat minimally). The lyrics ostensibly reflect the problems in Ian Curtis's marriage to Deborah Curtis, as well as his general frame of mind in the time leading up to his suicide in May 1980.

Yes, a rather dark and sombre subject, but the music is so beautiful and heart-wrenching it is one of my favourite songs.

When something so good, just can't function no more, then love, love will tear us apart, again...

Tell him he's dreamin

There is an online bulletin board at work, where staff can sell things. And by "things" I mean mainly over-priced second-hand crap.

How about some boxing gloves, that are slightly splitting at seams (I appreciate his honesty) for $25?

Or an ironing board, in good condition, for $30? Seroiusly, how much is a new one? And what sort of cost do you put on the inconvenience and embarrassment of doing the transaction in the workplace?

Or the guy selling comedy club tickets that he admits were a gift, but is still trying to sell them at full cost price!

Or the woman selling 11 nappies for $5? Honestly, why bother?

Or the douchebag selling personalised plates (you know how I feel about them) for a Nissan 350Z - NSN 350? Do you think he would sell them to me knowing I was going to put them on my Mitsubishi Mirage?

Or the person trying to offload a used Nokia mobile phone for $400? Only if you leave all of the text messages where you fight with your boyfriend on it.

Do you need an electric fence energiser? 260 back copies of Ships Monthly magazine from 1987-2009? Some slightly scratched kids sunglasses? Fake Chloe Paddington handbag? Authentic signed Brisbane Broncos 1997 Super League jersey? Clarinet?

There is also a lot of second-hand, hardly used, perfect condition exercise equipment. He he he, fatties!

I think my favourite was the man selling a Club Lock steering wheel lock: "I have had this many years, hardly ever used in the last 15-20 so it's like new (been sitting in cupboard). You can own for $30."

Tight arse hoarder...

Hello, welcome back, hi

So, quick update on things – I’ve got a job with another Government Agency (henceforth referred to as Brisbane Government Agency), I have moved back into my apartment in Brisbane , and I’ve lost 8kg since leaving London .

Okay, now we’re all on the same page.

So over to some random thoughts...

There is a girl at work that is absolutely lovely, but wears her sunglasses as a headband all day long. Is that appropriate for the office?

For the last time people, tights are not pants

I catch the bus to work. I used to eschew public transport in Brisbane, laughing at people on buses, and frequently abusing those blerrie bus drivers that just pull out in front of you. Now I am the unofficial spokesperson for “Buses are cool”. Email me if you want a slogan badge.

I met a guy the other day who pronounced the word tooth as “toof”. I thought it was only the British who spoke like that.

Is it okay to wear leopard print flats to the office? On the fourth day of working there?

I keep forgetting to stand to the left on escalators, to the point where I am annoying myself

Forget Chicago, Brisbane is the windy city - a fact that the man walking behind me today when my skirt whipped up will attest to

My name is Mumble Pants and I have an addiction to soda water

More regular posts will follow, I promise. Including a new weekly special - wanky personalised plates!

And now, the end is near

I can't believe that my time in London comes to an end today. Even as I'm writing this I am tearing up.

The past year has been the best year of my life. I have had some fantastic adventures, seen some great places, and made and strengthened some wonderful friendships.

Last night I had a farewell dinner in Covent Garden and was truly touched by the turnout, that so many people would come along to see me off.

Whilst saying goodbye to Matt, Mark, Emma and Laura wasn't too bad, knowing that I would see them again soon, saying goodbye to others was a little heartbreaking.

Bondy and Alli were the first friends that *I* made in London, and through them I became good friends with Kasia, Matt, Beavis, Matt (yeah, there were a lot of Matt's there last night), Sarah and Adam. I have had some hilariously fun times with these guys, from long orphan Christmas lunches to weekends away at the most unlikely of places. My time in London wouldn't have been the same without these guys.

The other people I shall dearly miss are my friends from The Government Agency, Georgina, Colm and Keef. After seeing you every day it was extremely difficult to say goodbye, and there was a stiffled sob at Waterloo train station last night. Colm, I know you are reading this, so please pass it on to Georgina as well. I shall miss you two dearly and promise to stay in touch. And my parents' beach house is available any time you decide to come to Australia! (That's okay isn't it mum?)

Now Amber, either you are going to have to move back to Australia or I am going to have to move back to London, okay? Amber was the one that convinced me to move overseas and I would not have had the brilliant time here without her. Amber is one of the most intelligent and funniest people I know, and quite often I am her little prophet, quoting her words of wisdom to others (Olly looks like he smells like dairy, jewellry is for Greeks and mistresses). I warn you Amby, that our goodbyes in Brisbane aren't going to be a dry affair.

And Angela, my little Model Mondays and Wild European Vacation partner in crime, what am I going to do without you? Part of me wants to stay here just so that I can share all of your London adventures with you. I hope your time in London is as happy as mine. Make the most of the opportunities you have here and just live it up.

After nearly two years in London I am going home with £500 in my pocket. I know, it's not much is it. But I have had so many holidays and nights out and trips to the theatre and a Chelsea football game and a glorious Marc Jacobs handbag and hundreds upon hundreds of photos of all the fun and mementos of my time here and a blog detailing my time here and a suitcase of cute dresses and some lifelong friends. So I would say that I have done pretty well.

Adieu London, see you soon.

PS. This blog is not going to end just because I am going home, not now that I have four readers (hi!)

I miss you already!

I am really going to miss the people that I work with. I have made some fantastic friends here in London, that I will miss terribly.

And it looks like they will miss me too!

Selfridges = tick!

Last night I had the most fabulous evening at Selfridges with my bestie at The Government Agency, Georgie.

When Georgie found out that my time in London was limited and that I was yet to experience Selfridges, she sent me a formal meeting invite at work and appointed herself Chief Australian Naturalisation Officer.

She insisted that we start the evening with a glass of expensive bubbles in the Moet Bar, overlooking the designer handbag department. As you can probably imagine, I took a lot of convincing!

From there we browsed through the handbags, accessories and cosmetics, before making our way to the Christmas Shop. I was like a fat kid in a candy store, with a massive grin on my face. They had glitter covered reindeer and garden gnomes, Christmas baubles in every shape and colour you could imagine, tinsel that looked like jewellry, a selection of pirate-themed decorations, giant plastic candy canes, and so many sparkly things I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Georgie dragged me away from the Christmas section so that we could get down to some serious shopping - shoes. I had set out with a plan to purchase some new black flat boots, as I wear mine pretty much every day now that the temperature has started to plummet. However, I was distracted by the Nine West display, and with some gentle encouragement from Georgie ended up purchasing these utterly gorgeous puppies...


LOVE!

We had a quick walk around the upstairs (and therefore upmarket) fashion floors, before heading to the basement to peruse the food market and have some sushi for dinner.

Ah, such a fantastic way to spend a Monday night!

Drama!

Oh my gosh, major drama at work yesterday... there was a shooting right outside of our office!

As our building has floor to ceiling glass walls, we noticed all of the police cars outside and the streets cordoned off. Then an announcement came over the PA telling us that there was an issue out on the street and we were not allowed to leave the building. Of course, then everyone rushed to see what was happening, and another announcement told us to step away from the windows.

Adding to the drama, at the same time there was a massive (unrelated) protest in our reception, with drums and placards.

05.08.09: Policeman injured in Waterloo shooting
Justin Davenport, Crime Correspondent

Armed police were today hunting a lone gunman after a dramatic shooting outside a central London Tube station.

The man turned on police in front of hundreds of terrified commuters as he cycled past Southwark Tube Station.

One policeman is believed to have been injured as he dived for cover when the man refused to stop and pulled out a handgun.

It is believed he was targeted after police identified him as a wanted man.

Armed police units flooded the area and a helicopter was called in but the gunman abandoned his bike and fled down The Cut - a street filled with busy restaurants.

An onlooker said: “At least one shot was fired at the police, they were just trying to stop him in the street. As he spun round on his bike he produced a gun and opened fire and everyone dived for cover.”

The gunman was seen running towards and estate behind the Young Vic theatre heading in the direction of the South Bank.

Scotland Yard said police were called to reports of shots being fired at The Cut at 3.02pm.

A spokesman said it was not clear how the officer had been injured but it is believed that he suffered a gunshot wound.

The Cut is a busy shopping street which runs between Waterloo railway station and Southwark Tube station, a short distance from the River Thames.

But no need to stress mum, I'm safe!

Celebrity spotting

I love me some celebrity spotting in London!

Whilst having drinks at Covent Garden with Dom and Alex last Friday night, Kimberley Stewart waltzed past. (Mum, Kimberley is Rod Stewart’s daughter)

However, I am more excited about today’s celebrity.

I am just sitting at my desk enjoying a salad for lunch when Kevin McCloud from the television show Grand Designs walks out of a meeting room. If he wasn’t with one of the Group Directors and I didn’t have a mouthful of avocado I totally would have gotten all crazy fan on him.

Kevin is the host of a reality television show that follows people as they build or renovate their dream homes. He is a pompous twot though, always criticising them throughout the project, telling them where they went wrong, and generally reminding them that he is better than them. Then at the end when the house is finished he wanders through and waxes lyrical about how lovely it is and why it all works so well.

I love him and I hate him all at the same time.

Yes, I am a lazy blogger

I don't feel like writing a blog entry at the moment, sorry.

I'm tired, a little run down, and have developed a cough that is completely unrelated to Swine Flu. The Health & Safety Manager at work asked if I had a back up plan, with someone in place to continue Internal Communications should I fall ill. It's just a cough dude, settle down.

Instead I am going to direct you through to another blog - the BBC Magazine Monitor 10 Things blog.

10 things we didn't know last week

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. There are 2,500 year old bird nests still in continuous use.

2. The Fred Perry sportswear logo was almost a pipe - Perry was a keen smoker - but his business partner thought this would put off women customers.

3. As a cold-blooded insect, flies are slower in the early morning and evening when the air is cooler, and speed up in the heat of the day.

4. C, the single-letter codename for the head of MI6, dates from when the first boss, Captain Sir Mansfield Cumming, signed himself "C" for Cumming.

5. Streetlights cause problems for bats.

6. The pilot and co-pilot on a passenger plane are not allowed to have the same meal in case they both get food poisoning.

7. The Queen has an allotment.

8. Scotland has the lowest age for criminal responsibility in Europe.

9. Hitachi makes trains.

10. Pak Do-ik, the North Korean footballer, is still known as "the dentist" among Italian football fans for causing them pain by scoring the goal that saw them beaten 1-0 in the 1966 World Cup.

You learn something new every day...


"I'm wicked and I'm lazy, ahhhhhhhaaaaahhhaaaaa don't you want to save me"
X-Press 2 featuring David Byrne

Lesson #1

Lock your computer when you leave your desk.

There could be confidential emails in your inbox that people could view, or you could have a sensitive policy document open, or you could be drafting a blog entry in Word.

Alternatively, I could jump on and send emails on your behalf ...

Dear Male Colleague,
Would you like to go for a drink after work tonight?
From Miss OpenComputer

Dear Female Colleague,
That dress would look better on me.
From Miss OpenComputer

Well travelled

Colleague: Have you been to Switzerland?

Moi: I went to Stockholm a couple of weeks ago remember!

Colleague: No, that's in Sweden Amanda.

Moi: Yeah...

Better. Better get me a bucket

My work colleague Jodie returned from a short sojourn in Australia this week with a bag full of presents for us.

She brought me some of my favourite mascara and a half a dozen pairs of Bonds underwear. You can get underwear fairly cheap over here (five pairs for £12 from La Senza) however it either rides up your butt or gives you Visible Panty Line.

Jodie* also brought back some packets of musk stick lollies to share around the office. These elicited a variety of responses.

Con gagged, as did Gina. Andrew looked like he wanted to spit it out, Bob did spit it out. Justin said they tasted like medicine and menthol. Mary thought it was a perfume stick. Nigel said they weren’t bad, and Sophie liked them. Helen thanked us for the curious and interesting experience, and said she can’t help but feel like she’d swallowed a bottle of perfume that was now wafting around her brain. Neil refuses to try it.

Nadine, a fellow Australian and a musk stick lover, said that there was an active debate going on. Neil said that he wouldn’t call it a debate; it was just that some people had been sick while others hadn’t. Yet.

To be honest, they are pretty darn gross.

* Please note that names have been changed to protect the identities of my colleagues and myself

Update

Okay, so I have been a little slack with my blog lately. I've been doing stuff, it's just I don't think it's that interesting to read about.

The other weekend I went to Cardiff with Alli, Kat, Kasia, Karina and Beavis. There isn't much to see or do in Cardiff to be honest, so we went to the Australian-themed bar and cut up a rug. Honestly, we owned that joint. Apart from that, we walked around the city and bought some souveniers to prove that we were actually there.

The UK is currently in the midst of swine flu fever, and I have been doing a lot of work on this. As Internal Communications Manager at The Government Agency, I am privy to the inside information. My manager has come to my desk several times and asked to see me in private on several occasions, leading me to think that I was in trouble, however it is just so I can get the low down on what's happening. I am not as important as Bec though. She is sitting on the crisis response team at The Local Borough Council, which allocates her the prestigious 'category 2' rank for when/if the UK decided to carry out nation-wide vaccinations, putting her just after emergency service front line staff who are category 1.

Also at work, I had my annual performance appraisal with my manager. He is extremely pleased with the work that I have been doing, so it looks like my job is pretty secure.

I continued with my lucky streak, winning tickets to a play through the London Paper . So far I have won music festival tickets, a trip to Copenhagen, and some lettuce seeds. London Paper, you rock! Dom and I went to see the play on Friday, which was actually pretty good. Much better than the opera that Dom had convinced me that we were going to see. We had a few drinks in Fulham afterwards, though quickly sobered up when we saw a fight in the middle of the street. Some kid smashed another with a bottle, and I saw him fall with a thud to the pavement, his head falling heavy on the cement. Everyone was running around screaming but no one thought to check the guy on the floor. I went over to see if he was okay, but was pushed aside by a heroine screaming "get him in the recovery position!", so I left them to it. Dom and I hailed the first cab we saw and hot footed it out of there. I have never seen such a fight. Honestly, I cannot understand it.

I am having drinks this Saturday to celebrate the second anniversary of my 25th birthday. I don't like not being with my family for birthdays, however I LOVE the Dora the Explorer package of birthday presents that I received from home today. I promise not to open it until my birthday mum!

The highlight of the month would have to be Croatia! On Saturday 16 May we head to Split for a week cruising around glorious Croatia. I. Can. Not. Wait!

And that's it really. A boring, jokeless update. Sorry guys, I promise something more interesting next time.

BoJo

I am a massive fan of Mayor of London Boris Johnson, a massive fan.

He has this big mop of blonde hair, mumbles and fumbles, uses big words and complicated sentences, rides his bike everywhere, and is a genuinely friendly and likeable man.

Boris is a real personality and people appreciate this. When he attended the opening of the Redbridge Cycling Centre (which I event managed) the press were nearly dry humping his leg, they loved him!

If you need evidence of BoJo's awesomeness, how about this little piece he wrote about the protesters at the upcoming G20 summit being held in London…

“They will taunt the police. They will paralyse traffic. They will do their utmost to spoil your day; and when they have been sufficiently whipped up by the oratory of Tony Benn, and when Billy Bragg has finished his ditties, it is a safe bet that they will begin the chant of hate. Somewhere in the crowd, a nose-ringed twerp will drain a mouthful of cider and call to his comrades. “What do we want?” he will demand.”

As a citizen of a Commonwealth realm, I'm voting for BoJo!

Who knew the Swedish were so much fun?

What a weekend!

After a couple of marmalade martinis with work colleagues after work on Friday, I trundled off home to finish packing for Stockholm and get an early night. Unsuccessfully. Thus began my long weekend of lots of fun and not lots of sleep.

Somehow I managed to get up and dressed in time for my 3am cab on Saturday morning. Yes people, at 3am I was leaving home, not getting home. I picked up Mark (aka Sparky) and Rebecca (aka Bec) and then we headed out to Stanstead.

Sparky had given me a heads up that Bec is the best person to travel with, as she is uber organised, and she didn’t disappoint. Bec had the airline booking number saved on her phone, her toiletries already packed in a clear ziplock bag, knew the best place to have a little breakfast snack, picked up some cheap duty free vodka, got us a prime position at the gate, and then saved us a great seat on the plane with plenty of room for our luggage. All Mark and I had to do was sit back and wait to wake up properly.

After two hours we landed in the middle of nowhere Sweden beside a tin shed – Vasteras airport. There’s not much to say about Vasteras as there wasn’t much to Vasteras. Apparently “customs” is the word they use to describe the hallway from passport control to the front door.

We caught the big gay bus (decorated with rainbow stripes) to the centre of Stockholm, dropped off our bags and then headed out for some traditional Swedish meatballs with cowberry and a bit of tacky souvenir shopping. Then it was back to the hotel for a rest, shower, and more than a litre of vodka before we hit the town.

The first stop was a cosy little bar in the Old Towne, where we just missed the live music and paid the equivalent of £9 or $20 for a vodka, lime and soda. After this we headed out to find some fun and, thanks to the advice of a random bouncer, we found it on the Lady Patricia! Lady Patricia is the funnest boat I have ever been on – three levels of different music and bars and funny Swedish people. We found a live band playing down one end and it was like someone hit the boogie switch, because the three of us literally walked into the room and started rocking out. The evening was a blur of sneaky drinks from Bec’s makeshift hip flask, new friends, poor English, expensive cab rides, lying to the concierge, embarrassing photos, and a hell of a lot of fun!

We somehow managed to drag our sorry butts down to breakfast on Sunday morning, but needed a little nap afterwards to brace ourselves for the cold and steel our nerves for the boat cruise. Hangovers in tow, we took a cruise around the archipelago and saw such amazing sights as the frozen waterfall, the Tivoli Gardens theme park, lots of yellow and orange coloured buildings, the house of a media magnate, some museums, and other interesting things. To be honest, I don’t remember much of the commentary (apart from the guide weaving his autobiography into it) because I was freezing. The rest of the day was great though – we did some more shopping, had dinner at the Boefheus (beef house), watched the most hilarious game show in Swedish, and enjoyed the falling snow.

Monday saw us all feeling a little more chipper, so after another great buffet breakfast (apart from when I set the toaster on fire) we went to a nearby park and mucked around in the snow, before heading to Skansen outdoor museum. Skansen “is the first open air museum and zoo in Sweden and is located on the island Djurgården in Stockholm. It was founded in 1891 by Artur Hazelius (1833-1901) to show the way of life in the different parts of Sweden before the industrial era.” I can only assume that Skansen is a bit like Sovereign Hill in Victoria, however all of the buildings were shut so I can’t be sure. That didn’t really matter, as we had a fantastic time walking around the old buildings in the snow, imagining what life would have been way back then, whilst taking photos on our digital cameras and drinking our Red Bulls. Sparky was a brilliant model, pulling any pose and climbing on any structure that Bec and I requested him to. The animals were the best part – reindeer, seals, bison, and brown bears. It doesn’t sound that exciting, but it was a bit of action in an otherwise rather quiet place. Our final hours in Stockholm were spent doing some more gift shopping, with some tapas and drinks in the Barcelona bar (very multicultural of us) before heading back to the airport.

London welcomed us back with a cold bitch slap and a long and tiring train ride to Liverpool Street, where we splurged on a cab home and declared it a spectacularly fun weekend!