Back to the bulletin board

The following item appeared on the work bulletin board the other day...

Cruise Anyone?
Hi there. Looking for a female interested in sharing a cabin wth myself and another couple for a cruise on the P&O on 23rd March 2013 to Pacific Islands. Special at moment $600 approximately and required $200 deposit and rest to pay one month prior to departure. If interested please respond asap. Deposit required before 5th of March 2012. Vicky.

Noting that my friend Nick has previously said that a P&O cruise is his idea of hell, I emailed it to him. His response...

Dear Vicky,

Your advertisement should read a something a little more like...

"Lonely women seeks other (any gender fine) to accompany me to an all you can eat fat cruise...."

Who would do this. I am going to stalk this person on facebook

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Bulletin Board

I have been so busy at work that I completely forgot about the Bulletin Board! A spare 10 minutes just now have revealed these little nuggets of entertainment...

DJ EQUIPMENT FOR SALE
I am selling 2 CDJ's and 1 mixer. CDJ's are Panasonic CDJ200's. Mixer is a Numark M4, There is also 2 years extended warranty left on the equipment which is transferrable. Equipment only used for one gig. RRP $1500, asking $900.

Wow, this guy bought $1500 worth of equipment just for a gig? Or he bought $1500 of equipment just to find out he sucked at DJing? Either way, he's an idiot.


WALLET FOR SALE
For Sale imitation Hermes Wallet! - Dark Brown in colour - Silver Hermes clip - Holds 6 cards - Separate coin section (zip) - Photos available - $25 ONO

You just announced to everyone in the organisation that you are a tight arse who buys knock-offs - good work!

DVDS FOR SALE
I have the following double packs of movies for sale. All in excellent condition at $10 each. Bad Boys & Bad Boys 2 - (Will Smith, Martin Lawrence) Free Willy & Free Willy 2 & Free Willy 3 Hancock (Limited Edition 2 disc Tin) - (Will Smith) Hanover Street & Force 10 from Navarone - (Harrison Ford) Milk Money & The First Wives Club - (Melanie Griffith / Goldie Hawn) Moonstruck & Mermaids - (Cher) The Perfect Man & Hating Alison Ashley - (Hilary Duff / Delta Goodrem) Wedding Crashers & The Dukes of Hazzard - (Owen Wilson / Jessica Simpson) The Crocodile Hunter & He Changed Our World - (Steve Irwin) Rear Window / The Birds / Psycho (James Stewart / Rod Taylor / Anthony Perkins)

Worst taste in movies EVER!


DVDs
Three very addictive TV shows, three very cheap prices... Lipstick Jungle Season 1 - $10 (think Robert Buckley) Private Practice Season 1 - $10 Grey's Anatomy Seasons 1 to 3 - $40 for bundle

If by 'addictive' you mean 'shit', then yes, I would say those are three very 'addictive' TV shows.


FOR SALE - APPLE IPHONE 4
Superb condition 12months old (my grandmother has recently upgraded to another phone). FaceTime – Video calling. Retina Display – 960 by 640 resolution, 3.5 inch screen. 5 Megapixel camera. $600.00

Hold up. So you're saying that your grandmother bought an iPhone 4 very soon after they were released in Australia and she is wanting to sell it (at an over-inflated price) because she is upgrading? Let me guess, she only ever used it to phone church on a Sunday to find out what time communion was? I call bull shit.

Bulletin Board round up!

Okay, time for some more hilarious/sad (delete as appropriate) announcements from the work bulletin board!


Broken plates
I have a cpuple of bags of broken china/crockery from a house move. Would suit a mosaic artist.

Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone if you just threw them in the bin?



Wanted - Washing Machine
Just about out of clean clothes! Preferably Fisher and Paykel and 7kg+. Will pay a reasonable price.

Ugh, no need to air your dirty laundry on the corporate intranet



Kiwi Cushions
Beautiful large Cushion covers made from 100% wool with coloured felt N.Z. icons sewn on. eg: Pukeko, Frond, White Heron and Tuatara. Approx. 40 x 42mm. $45.00 ea

For the proud Kiwi with no taste!



TWILIGHT THROW RUG
TWILIGHT MOVIE THROW RUG FOR SALE, BRAND NEW, HAS NOT BEEN USED. $20.00

This item was listed on 2 December and then again on 3 December. I can understand why he was so keen to get rid of it. And I think his use of capslock was a cry for help.



Boarder Wanted - Marsden
To share a 3 bedroom house in Marsden. Must be working full time. Smokers ok, as long as you're happy to smoke outside. The house is situated on a big fully fenced 760m2 block, at the end of a cul-de-sac in a quiet street. It has 2 large living areas. You will have your own large bedroom and undercover car parking. You MUST be an animal lover as there are 2 dogs, a parrot, a snake and a lizard at the premises. It's ok, the snake and lizard are in tanks. All of this for only $150 per week (plus elec/gas/water). Bargain!

Wow, $150 to live waaaaaaaay out in the ‘burbs with 2 dogs, a parrot, a snake and a lizard, what a bargain!



WII Game: Mario & Sonic at the Olympic
Brand new, never opened. Cost $59 Sell $40. Unwanted Gift.

Thankless tight arse.



FREE Round Trampoline FREE FREE FREE
FREE Round trampoline 10 foot. Side netting and padding in poor condition and can be removed or replaced. Tramp mat and everything else is good. Free to person who picks up from Pine Mountain near Ipswich before 2 January 2010. Can help with disassembly. FREE FREE FREE.

Excuse me, how much is this trampoline? And how many children have died on it?



ITEMS 4 SALE (U TELL ME WOT UR AFTER)!!!
I have a stack of new &/or near new items that i want to get rid of...so tell me what you're after & i'll see if i've got it!!! :)

I’m after some quality English literature, but I have a feeling you probably don’t have any…



Bobcat for sale - Ideal Christmas Present
For someone who has everything. Case 85XT - $19,950. This beast can dig holes and load dirt like you wouldn't believe. And when you sit behind the controls and feel the rumble of the engine ... it's like nothing can stop you. Photos available - just email me. Happy digging.

Awesome!



Books for sale
$5 each, 3 for $10 or if you would like the whole lot (21), $70
Stephanie Myers: Twighlight, Eclipse, New Moon
Sophie Kinsella: Shopoholic & baby, Shopoholic takes Manhattan, Secret Dreamworld of a shopoholic
Jane green: The love Verb, Second Chance, The beach House
Martina Cole – Faceless, Marion Keyes - This charming man, Mitch Albon - The five people you meet in Heaven, Robbie Williams – Feel, Cecilia Ahern - Ps I love you, Kathy Reichs - Death Du Jour, Rebecca Miller - The private lives of pippa lee, Helen Fielding - Bridget Jones Diary, Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Noble - The way we were

This reminds me of a joke…

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys a half loaf of bread, one litre of milk, five frozen dinners, and a tub of chocolate icecream. The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."

Bulletin of the week

Avent breast pumpI have for sale an Avent 'Isis' manual breast pump. Only used a couple of times (and sterilised after each use). Purchased for $90 and selling for $40. I still have the original packaging with the instructions and unopened spare parts for the pump.

Would you believe that there is someone else at my work trying to flog a second hand breast pump?

I used to be entertained by the shit that people tried to sell on the Bulletin Board at work, now I just find it disturbing that there are so many tight arses.

And just to let you know, the woman with the hair extensions is still placing weekly ads to try and offload the horse hair.

Bulletin of the week

Yamoto 110cc
I am selling a 110cc yamoto dirt bike 4 speed manual. i paid $900 for this bike 2 weeks a go the bike looks brand new and rides like a dream. i am asking $600 for the bike as i need it gone ASAP! please call me to come and have a look the bike is at upper mount gravatt.


Why does he need it gone ASAP?

Did he fall off it?

Did it cause a fight between him and his partner?

Did it come to life as a result of a science experiment backfiring and go on a murderous rampage through society and the only way he can stop the carnage is to sell it on the work Bulletin Board?

Bulletin of the week

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Breast Pump kit
Superior comfort and efficiency and only 3 parts for ease of use. Kit includes pump, milk storage lid, standard wide-neck bottle adaptor. Still 95% new. Kept in good condition. Delivery can be arranged if picking up is a problem. I have photo's I can email or you can have a look on website. $20.


Yes, it is still for sale. And it is *still* 95% new! And it is still disgusting.

Bulletin of the week

Hair Extensions for Sale!!
I have 3x15cm Chocolate brown clip in hair extension pieces for sale. They are fairly long and probably go halfway down your back when put in properly. Most hairdressers will be able to style these into your hair if required for a decent price.The extensions are 100% real human hair. This means they can be cut, coloured, straightened and curled etc just like your own hair.


It would seem that the bulletin board is now a place to reveal your dirty little secrets.

(PS. I know I've been a slack blogger, more new MumblePants content soon, I promise!)

Bulletin of the week

Java Handmade Lounge
3-4 seater java handmade cane lounge, in excellent condition, about 3 years old but never used as a lounge...darker brown canework and off-white cushions. $500


Uhm, what has the couch been used for then?

Bulletin of the week

Socialise with young couple

My partner and i are looking for fun, active young people to hang with as we are new to brisbane.


If you were really "fun" and "active" like the people that you were wanting to meet, Luke, you wouldn't have to advertise for friends.

Just sayin...

Bulletin of the (last) week

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Breast Pump kit
Superior comfort and efficiency and only 3 parts for ease of use. Kit includes pump, milk storage lid, standard wide-neck bottle adaptor. Still 95% new. Kept in good condition. $50. Delivery can be arranged if picking up is a problem. I have photo's I can email or you can have a look on website.

How can something be 95% new? How can you only use 5% of it? And what 5% would that be? And who on earth would buy a second hand breast pump?

So many questions that I don't particularly want the answers to...

Bulletin of the week

WANTED - OLD PRAM

Details: Wanted old pram that can be used for teenager to deliver junk mail.


Clearly this teenager has no desire to have s-x, because being seen pushing a pram full of junk mail around the neighbourhood is going to nix any chance of them ever getting any.

Bulletin of the week

The bulletin board at work continues to provide me with entertainment.

Each day I find the most amusing new listing and email it through to Nathan and Jerry. Now, I am going to do a Bulletin of the Week listing on my blog.

I find it highly amusing, I hope you do too...


LOTS OF SINGLE BEDDING

Details:

Having got rid of all single beds in the house I have no use for the following:
- x 1 single doona inner, it has a few marks on it so it's Free.
- x 1 cotton single mattress protector $2
- x 1 woollen single mattress protector $4
- x 1 fitted Winne the Pooh sheet $1 (maybe could be made into a set of cot sheets if you're handy on the sewing machine)

Single Sheet sets (one fitted & one flat):
- set of flannette single sheets red, blue & white (soccer design) $2
- set of flannette single sheets purple with pink, purple and blue hearts $2
- set of blue cotton single sheets $2- set of lilac cotton single sheets $2

Doona Single Covers:
- Winnie the Pooh (mainly blue) $4
- Black, red & white $4
- Pink cover with frill edge (with purple fairies) $4
- White embossed pattern with matching valance $7

All in excellent condition. Contact Lisa


Honestly Lisa, you need to put a value on your time.

Consider how long it has taken you to do a full inventory of all of your single bedding (all the single beds, all the single beds...), write this advertisement, place it on the bulletin board, answer enquiries (I'm being optimistic and assuming that you will get any), pack the linen up, bring it in to work, and complete the transaction.

Or you could just put your dirty effing single bed sheets in the charity bin and save us all the hassle.