Funnies in the News #2

Following on from the blog entry where I listed 43 reasons why I am not a bogan, how funny/ironic/appropriate is it that my initials are the acronym for anti-bogan?!


What's the opposite of a bogan?
In case it weren’t obvious enough, last week a book was released teaching people How To Spot a Bogan.

But what about the bogan’s arch-nemesis? The anti-bogan, if you will. You know the type. You quite possibly are one. (I suspect I might be.) Either way, despite the fact bogans procreate at faster rates, it's the anti-bogans who seem to be multiplying fastest in cities all around Australia.

Here’s how to spot an anti-bogan:

1. Their infatuation with bogans. They might protest to hate the bogan, but anti-bogans love nothing more than talking about bogans. It gives them something to feel superior about.

2. Their habitat: ABs can be found almost exclusively in cities. More specifically, within five kilometres of a city centre. To the AB, suburbs = wasteland.

3. Their choice of coffee. Not so much that they drink espresso coffee (that cultural battle is long dead, even a bogan enjoys a good cup of joe). No, the fact they can talk about it - analysing beans, blends and roasting times - for HOURS.

4. Their number one goal in life is to get a tweet shown on Q&A.

5. They assuage their middle-class guilt by buying free-range eggs, recycled toilet paper and offsetting the carbon on their next budget airline flight.

6. They love nothing more than reminiscing wistfully about their time spent living in Europe.

7. ABs would rather starve than eat a thick-crust pizza. Or white sandwich bread.

8. They never have children before the age of 30. May, however, dote obsessively on a cat or dog.

9. They feel uncomfortable in the presence of anyone, other than an RSL employee, wielding an Australian flag.

10. The anti-bogan will blanch at the mere mention of XXXX or VB. Drink exclusively boutique beers and only ever in bars, never pubs.

11. They profess to love multiculturalism but live in an almost exclusively white neighbourhood.

12. ABs buy all their fruit and veg from farmers markets because they “know where it comes from”.

13. They become apoplectic when discussing news in the “Murdoch press”. Secretly, though, love the fact this provides more opportunities to feel superior.

Not. A. Bogan.