Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bulletin Board round up!

Okay, time for some more hilarious/sad (delete as appropriate) announcements from the work bulletin board!

Broken plates
I have a cpuple of bags of broken china/crockery from a house move. Would suit a mosaic artist.

Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone if you just threw them in the bin?

Wanted - Washing Machine
Just about out of clean clothes! Preferably Fisher and Paykel and 7kg+. Will pay a reasonable price.

Ugh, no need to air your dirty laundry on the corporate intranet

Kiwi Cushions
Beautiful large Cushion covers made from 100% wool with coloured felt N.Z. icons sewn on. eg: Pukeko, Frond, White Heron and Tuatara. Approx. 40 x 42mm. $45.00 ea

For the proud Kiwi with no taste!


This item was listed on 2 December and then again on 3 December. I can understand why he was so keen to get rid of it. And I think his use of capslock was a cry for help.

Boarder Wanted - Marsden
To share a 3 bedroom house in Marsden. Must be working full time. Smokers ok, as long as you're happy to smoke outside. The house is situated on a big fully fenced 760m2 block, at the end of a cul-de-sac in a quiet street. It has 2 large living areas. You will have your own large bedroom and undercover car parking. You MUST be an animal lover as there are 2 dogs, a parrot, a snake and a lizard at the premises. It's ok, the snake and lizard are in tanks. All of this for only $150 per week (plus elec/gas/water). Bargain!

Wow, $150 to live waaaaaaaay out in the ‘burbs with 2 dogs, a parrot, a snake and a lizard, what a bargain!

WII Game: Mario & Sonic at the Olympic
Brand new, never opened. Cost $59 Sell $40. Unwanted Gift.

Thankless tight arse.

FREE Round Trampoline FREE FREE FREE
FREE Round trampoline 10 foot. Side netting and padding in poor condition and can be removed or replaced. Tramp mat and everything else is good. Free to person who picks up from Pine Mountain near Ipswich before 2 January 2010. Can help with disassembly. FREE FREE FREE.

Excuse me, how much is this trampoline? And how many children have died on it?

I have a stack of new &/or near new items that i want to get rid tell me what you're after & i'll see if i've got it!!! :)

I’m after some quality English literature, but I have a feeling you probably don’t have any…

Bobcat for sale - Ideal Christmas Present
For someone who has everything. Case 85XT - $19,950. This beast can dig holes and load dirt like you wouldn't believe. And when you sit behind the controls and feel the rumble of the engine ... it's like nothing can stop you. Photos available - just email me. Happy digging.


Books for sale
$5 each, 3 for $10 or if you would like the whole lot (21), $70
Stephanie Myers: Twighlight, Eclipse, New Moon
Sophie Kinsella: Shopoholic & baby, Shopoholic takes Manhattan, Secret Dreamworld of a shopoholic
Jane green: The love Verb, Second Chance, The beach House
Martina Cole – Faceless, Marion Keyes - This charming man, Mitch Albon - The five people you meet in Heaven, Robbie Williams – Feel, Cecilia Ahern - Ps I love you, Kathy Reichs - Death Du Jour, Rebecca Miller - The private lives of pippa lee, Helen Fielding - Bridget Jones Diary, Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Noble - The way we were

This reminds me of a joke…

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys a half loaf of bread, one litre of milk, five frozen dinners, and a tub of chocolate icecream. The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?" The woman replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."

Monday, December 13, 2010

A collection of disjointed thoughts

It's funny, quite often you hear summer before you feel summer, with the cicadas announcing the impending heat.

House parties are awesome. You get to choose the people, the venue, the food, the drink, the music and the air-conditioning temperature. And it doesn't matter what you wear or how drunk you get or how much you dance on the furniture, because you are surrounded by your favourite people. Cleaning up the next day is a bitch though. (Big shout out to the gang for doing most of the work on Saturday night!)

I started going to the gym and it has strengthened my arguement that exercise makes you fat as I have since put on weight. Stupid fitness. I am looking forward to long days of laziness down the coast at Christmas to lose it again.

Today I am wearing a new pair of shoes that are a pale silvery colour, which is strange as I normally wear black shoes to work. So strange that I keep looking at my feet when I walk. It's very distracting.

The city is absolute madness at the moment. Christmas carols pumping out in Queen Street Mall, half naked teenagers loitering everywhere, workers rushing around doing Christmas shopping in their short lunch breaks, and then moi waltzing around with my new Puma sneakers in an oversized bag hitting everyone on the way back to the office!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Wow, this is my 200th post.

I feel that it should be about something special. You know, so that it stands out from the irreverent musings, holiday recaps, public transport anecdotes, and general nonesense that I normally write about.

*thoughtfully looks out into the distance from her awesome window seat overlooking the Brisbane River*

I've got it...

Let us use this momentus blog entry to discuss who wants to buy me a Kawasaki Ninja 250R?!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

An open letter

Dear work colleague,

Please do not tell me that I look tired.

I had a long day yesterday, I was up at 5am this morning, I haven't had coffee yet, I know how effing tired I am.

So you telling me that my eyes are puffy does not help the situation at all.

In fact it makes it worse, because I thought my liberally applied concealer had masked it a little.

Your pointless comment was a kick in the guts, so thank you.

Now shut the hell up.

Yawns sincerly,

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bulletin of the week

Avent breast pumpI have for sale an Avent 'Isis' manual breast pump. Only used a couple of times (and sterilised after each use). Purchased for $90 and selling for $40. I still have the original packaging with the instructions and unopened spare parts for the pump.

Would you believe that there is someone else at my work trying to flog a second hand breast pump?

I used to be entertained by the shit that people tried to sell on the Bulletin Board at work, now I just find it disturbing that there are so many tight arses.

And just to let you know, the woman with the hair extensions is still placing weekly ads to try and offload the horse hair.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Wanky Plates #7

Okay, this guy is a double douchebag.

Firstly because he has a wanky plate that I assume is making a joke about playing tag or some similarly childish game.

And secondly because it should be "you're", as in "you are".


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Wanky Plates #6

Poop jokes are always funny. Turns out that poop wanky plates are too!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Mathematical thientitht (scientist)

Jim Bob just sent me the following email, which is so brilliant I have to share...

For every drunk action there's an equal but opposite reaction. The negative effect of two subsequent nights of partying is exponential, reflected in the formula

A= (D/H x N)^n

where D is the number of drinks consumed, H represents the number of hours in which the drinks were consumed, N is the number of nights partying and A is Amanda.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Wanky Plates #5

The lady that drives this car owns a fish & chip shop in Townsville. Her husband's licence plate is "FISHN". Ah, complementary wanky plates!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Funnies in the News #2

Following on from the blog entry where I listed 43 reasons why I am not a bogan, how funny/ironic/appropriate is it that my initials are the acronym for anti-bogan?!

What's the opposite of a bogan?
In case it weren’t obvious enough, last week a book was released teaching people How To Spot a Bogan.

But what about the bogan’s arch-nemesis? The anti-bogan, if you will. You know the type. You quite possibly are one. (I suspect I might be.) Either way, despite the fact bogans procreate at faster rates, it's the anti-bogans who seem to be multiplying fastest in cities all around Australia.

Here’s how to spot an anti-bogan:

1. Their infatuation with bogans. They might protest to hate the bogan, but anti-bogans love nothing more than talking about bogans. It gives them something to feel superior about.

2. Their habitat: ABs can be found almost exclusively in cities. More specifically, within five kilometres of a city centre. To the AB, suburbs = wasteland.

3. Their choice of coffee. Not so much that they drink espresso coffee (that cultural battle is long dead, even a bogan enjoys a good cup of joe). No, the fact they can talk about it - analysing beans, blends and roasting times - for HOURS.

4. Their number one goal in life is to get a tweet shown on Q&A.

5. They assuage their middle-class guilt by buying free-range eggs, recycled toilet paper and offsetting the carbon on their next budget airline flight.

6. They love nothing more than reminiscing wistfully about their time spent living in Europe.

7. ABs would rather starve than eat a thick-crust pizza. Or white sandwich bread.

8. They never have children before the age of 30. May, however, dote obsessively on a cat or dog.

9. They feel uncomfortable in the presence of anyone, other than an RSL employee, wielding an Australian flag.

10. The anti-bogan will blanch at the mere mention of XXXX or VB. Drink exclusively boutique beers and only ever in bars, never pubs.

11. They profess to love multiculturalism but live in an almost exclusively white neighbourhood.

12. ABs buy all their fruit and veg from farmers markets because they “know where it comes from”.

13. They become apoplectic when discussing news in the “Murdoch press”. Secretly, though, love the fact this provides more opportunities to feel superior.

Not. A. Bogan.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the blog...

News media is providing me with so many laughs lately that I think it could be a new series of blog entries.

Following previous (not so very) popular series such as Song of the Day and Wanky Plates, I would like to introduce to you...

Funnies in the News!

The following excerpt is from the online article "Yacht siege emergency shuts down Eagle Street ferry terminal", from the brilliant journalists and sub-editors *waves at Mike* at the Courier-Mail. Some cranky old crack pot armed with petrol and a bayonet has moored his boat at a very central and very busy inner-city wharf and has allegedly made threats.

A police officer said at the scene the man had requested a bacon and egg McMuffin.

However, the request has been made after McDonald's 10.30am breakfast cut off time.

Police say they are trying to fulfill the request.


Saturday, October 23, 2010

Wanky Plates #4

Oh, is that a Peugot? I couldn't tell from the car's badging, so thank you for clearing that up!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Ha ha ha @ hipsters

Yet again, serves up the laughs!

The hipster has no clothes

Just when you think mainstream culture couldn’t get any shallower along comes the hipster.

No, I don’t mean the hipster sub-culture that beat writers like Jack Kerouac identified with in the 50s or low riding jeans most of us shouldn’t wear, I’m talking about the new breed of inner city trendy taking over small bars, laneways and cafe\bookstores everywhere.

Somehow draping yourself in ridiculous clothes and capering around while being deliberately ironic has become highly desirable for thousands of twenty and thirty somethings.

For those of you who are asking, ‘just what is a hipster?’ think fashionista culture meets indie street sensibilities, add a dash of metro-sexual leftovers then a sprinkling of first year arts degree intellectualism and you have the hipster.

Imagine you walk into an inner city café, there’s a tattered ottoman and some milk crates scattered loosely around a few rickety tables, a plastic palm tree glued upside down to the roof in one corner and indie music even triple J rejected bleating facetiously in the background.

The female barista is wearing sleeveless mechanic’s overalls with the name “Jerry” stitched on, and the several waiters with asymmetrical bangs down one side of their otherwise shaved heads cast derisive glances at you through thick rimmed glasses. Welcome to Hipsterville.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Credit where credit is due

I would like to interrupt the hilarious Wanky Plates series to let you know that these are not all my doing. A lot of these photos were taken by my friend Bongos.

When he found out about my interest in Wanky Plates he started taking photos of any that he came across and texting them through to me.

With his non-office-based job, dedication to the cause, and steady hand, a lot of the photos that I post are from Bongos. So snaps for him!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wanky Plates #3

Honestly, if your name was "Virgil" would you publically advertise it on your car? Isn't that just asking to be side swiped?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Wanky Plates #2

Before I even saw the wanky plate I knew that the owner of this ute was called Bruce...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Wanky Plates

So, this is the start of a series of blog entries called "Wanky Plates". I think it's pretty self explanatory...

Wizza, you are a wanker.

Friday, October 8, 2010

I may have spoken too soon

Dirty Delhi, you make me laugh!

THOUSANDS of used condoms blocked the drains at the Delhi Commonwealth Games village after they were flushed down toilets by amorous athletes, local media reported today.

A report in the Indian newspaper Mail Today claimed a condom vending machine containing around 4000 contraceptive packs had been installed at the village, but the precautionary measure was now causing problems with the plumbing.

Games chief Mike Fennell said yesterday he was just happy to see that so many of the 7000 competitors at the athletes’ village were being careful.

"This shows that athletes are being responsible and are promoting safe sex," he said.

Read more:

Oh how I laughed

This is seriously one of the funniest news stories I have read about the Commonwealth Games!

Funnier than large monkeys being brought in to chase away smaller monkeys, funnier than the Brits getting the sh!ts in the pool, funnier than Channel 10 deciding to send their television commentators to the 39 degrees celsius temperatures of Delhi in pale blue shirts that show even the slightest hint of perspiration.

It’s not a V for victory

WE CAME, we saw, and when we didn't conquer we flipped them the bird.

The Ugly Australian loser has descended on Delhi and for once they were not wearing cricket whites.

Indians have come to expect rudeness from our cricketers. What wasn't expected was a display of petulance from our Commonwealth Games athletes as they embark on what many believe is little more than a public relations exercise.

As the relevance of the Commonwealth Games was being questioned in past weeks, Australia's Games honcho Perry Crosswhite went so far as to call them Australia's gift to the weaker nations of the region.

A chance for us to not so much flex our ample sporting muscles as to give others less fortunate the chance to play alongside us and learn.

One thing they have learned in recent days is how to raise two fingers of the hand and wave it in the general vicinity of the judging panel. Refusing to shake hands with the victorious opponent is an optional extra.

When wrestler Hassene Fkiri went for the daily double after losing his gold medal bout on Tuesday, Australian officials acted quickly and decisively.

After debating long into the night, Crosswhite and chef de mission Steve Moneghetti chose not to send him home on the first available flying kangaroo, but to lumber him with a raft of punishments including personal apologies all round.

His actions, said Moneghetti, had been an embarrassment to himself, his family, his country and the Australian team.

We are a country that plays hard and fair, said Moneghetti, but we always accept the judge's decision. Fkiri would be made an example of.

Obviously cyclist Shane Perkins didn't get the memo.

When the judges sent him back to the end of the queue after ruling he had caused an accident in the keirin, he raised two fingers and said "Fkiri you" not once, but twice.

As Moneghetti said, hard, fair and cop it sweet.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


For years I have subscribed to's Word of the Day email *cough* nerd *cough*

I would just like to point out that they made a mistake the other day...

Word of the Day for Friday, September 24, 2010
frabjous \FRAB-juhs\, adjective:
Wonderful, elegant, superb, or delicious.

Uhm, I think you will find that the correct spelling is faboosh, and the correct pronunciation \fah-boo-sh\

Just sayin...

Thursday, September 30, 2010


Dear Mother Nature,

I think you slipped and accidentally knocked the dial from "Spring" to "Summer". Would you mind switching it back, I'm not ready for this hot weather yet.


Dear People on Bus 66,

Why don't any of you ever sit next to me? Since they have swapped the bendy bus for the smaller bus, quite often it fills up at Roma St and we are forced to sit next to strangers. However, no one ever sits next to me. I don't smell, I don't have tourettes, I don't take up one-and-a-half seats, so what's wrong with sitting with me?


Dear Nicole Corner Suite,

You are the most comfortable couch I have ever had. I love nestling in the corner of your chase, aka the money seat. However, if Damien comes home one more night this week and finds me asleep on the couch making cute little breathing noises (NOT snoring!) then I think I may be in trouble.

Heart you,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I heart Groove Armada

So, Parklife was pretty rubbish. About an hour after we got there I realised that I am too old for this shit.

Reasons why I am too old...

I didn't have half my arse hanging out

I haven't been bulking up on steriods in preparation for the summer music festivals

I didn't wear thongs and have mud splashed all up the back of my legs

I didn't get so drunk or drugged that I didn't even make it in to the festival before security bailed me up and took me away

I didn't cut in front of 20 people at the bar by sneaking in the exit like a coward

I didn't push other people and try to physically walk through them when the crowd was lining up to get through to the main stage

I didn't stand with my back to the stage so that everyone on the hill behind could see me dance

I didn't join in the skanky last-ditch-attempt group-sharing make-up session in the ladies toilets at 8pm

I didn't miss out on Groove Armada's last performance in order to see bands that will play at every other music festival this year and next year and probably the year after

But, oh, were Groove Armada worth it! The were freaking awesome! Best. Performance. EVER! Honestly, it was on par with the magical musical moment that was Goldfrapp at Splendour. Tom and Andy and co seriously rocked it, and made up for the crapness that was the rest of the day.

As for the douchebags that were filing out half way through the set, leaving the Riverstage the most empty I have ever seen it at a music festival, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for leaving, it made the performance all the more amazing that I didn't have to fight with you for dance space, or hear you talking through the set, or deal with your posing and poncing.

I've got three months to recover from Parklife and get the rose-tinted-glass perspective, before I front up to Sunset Sounds in January....

"So I might have to be the one to turn the world around, put love where they had hate and make the world get down, and you might have to be the one to change it with me too, and if they try to stop us we'll say funk you too"
The Girls Say, Groove Armada

Monday, September 13, 2010


When I grow up I want to be a pyrotechnician. Seriously, I'm looking into what training I have to do. I was thinking I could do it via correspondence, but they might have a bit of trouble mailing the course materials to me...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Guest bloggers

So, a dear friend has offered to be a guest blogger and share with us the stories of the off-the-chain wedding she attended, slapping young boys in the face outside nightclubs, and the emotionally confused physicist neighbour. What do we reckon people?! I think she needs some encouragement to spill the beans!

And I welcome any other guest bloggers wanting to share their stories.

Except for you PJ, we don't need to hear the story about the ice-cream bucket as a helmet...

Monday, September 6, 2010


Okay, an update on the issues outlined in my previous blog...

I didn't mouth off at any police officers last Saturday night. However, while waiting 20 minutes for a bus in the Valley I surreptitiously took photos of gross men going into Scores Gentleman's Club on my phone and then messaged them to friends.

Despite strong protests I somehow found myself back at the Caxton Hotel on Friday night after the Broncos' last home game. As we were walking in I ran into a guy that I had been calling "Sally" the last time I was there. Ashamed that I actually knew people at the Caxton, I again vowed never to go back. PS I would also like to apologise to the guy called Moses for all of my hilarious and inappropriate jokes about Egypt, reed baskets, plague, exodus and the Philistines.

I got my job! Toot toot! This means that I can continue to afford my mortgage and will not need to move to London from the embarrassment of rejection.

Coming soon - a pictorial summary of the awesomeness of RiverFire last Saturday!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I am rather uninspired with this blog lately. I feel like there is nothing interesting to share with my dedicated reader (hi PJ!) and people who stumble into here looking for Rayban Wayfarers or photos of girls in tight shorts.

I've been busy, but none of it seems worthy of a stand alone post.

There is the story of my foot-in-mouth incident on the weekend, when I berated a driver for running a red light as Nathan and I crossed the street, only to find out it was an unmarked police car.

Or the story of my great happiness when told it would cost $550 rather than the originally quoted $800 to fix Rusty's steering head bearings, front fork seals, rear fork seals, rear break shoes, cushion drive rubbers or somethingorother, front brake switch, and grips. That is to say, to make him roadworthy. But it was definitely worth it as he rides like a freakin dream now!

Or the story of when Nicole and I went to the Caxton Hotel for "one drink" after the Broncos game the other weekend, where I insisted on calling every boy I spoke to by a girl's name, had to defend Nicole when someone started throwing ice at her head, slipped down the stairs but somehow regained my composure by the bottom step and looked up expecting applause but no-one saw it, and maintained my near perfect record of unintentionally getting home within 15 minutes of my housemate when we've both been out for the night.

Or the story of how I had to apply for the job that I have been doing for the past five months, and how if I don't get it I will absolutely die of embarrassment and have to leave the country from the shame of the rejection.

Hmmmmm, maybe I'll find something to blog about next week...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Hi y'all

When requested to write original material, I suddenly went quiet, despite a lot going on lately. Well, here's a wrap up.

In the last few weeks I...

  • Met Rusty's younger, better looking brother outside Jess's apartment building - Rusty used to be a damn good looking bike, but now he's like a handsomely weathered older man
  • Nearly ruined Nathan's pristine white kitchen with a flood of red wine (which was then overshadowed by Tyler setting a napkin on fire and nearly burning Nathan's apartment to the ground)
  • Was dumped in a most passive aggressive way
  • Had the best time at Splendour with my closest friends, where I danced and I walked and I ate donuts as big as my head and I bought a dress and I got a stomach ulcer from a frozen margarita and I slept in a station wagon and I enjoyed spending some time with Ross and Sarah and I wore leopard print gumboots and I experienced my happiest music moment ever at Goldfrapp.
  • Spent a hilarious night with Jim Bob and Michelle and a bottle of red wine (it was Sticks Pinot Noir, Nathy!), discussing what sounds look like
  • Fell a little bit in love with Iggy, Jim Bob's son
  • Found out that Rusty needs $800 worth of work done (can you really put a price on my safety, fun and happiness though?)
  • Have been absolutely under the pump at work, so really should get back to it
Later skaters...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Reader feedback

Where is the song of the day you ask?

Well, I received the following email from my mother this afternoon...

Hi Manda
Amex details below* but can I just ask for some more interesting 'Mumblepants' I'm getting sick of song of the day.
Love Ma

So I am putting song of the day on hold and working on something "more interesting". Bear with me, okay, this might take a little while.

* I have not included the list of credit card expenses my mother emailed me, you don't need to know what I've been frittering my money away on

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Song of the day: Fools Gold

Today's song of the day is Stone Roses' "Fools Gold".

According to Wikipedia... The Stone Roses were an English Alternative rock band formed in Manchester in 1984. The band gained widespread notoriety when, one minute into a live 1989 TV performance on the BBC's The Late Show, the power failed, prompting Ian Brown to repeatedly roar "Amateurs!" at Tracey MacLeod. Melody Maker magazine interview (9 December 1989): "The song 'Fools Gold' is about greed. Have you seen 'Treasure Of The Sierra Madre' with Humphrey Bogart ? Three geezers who are skint and they put their money together to get equipment to go looking for gold. Then they all betray each other. They all end up dead, don't they ? That's what the song is about. It's dead right man. But that song is history for us now." Australian radio station Triple J voted "Fools Gold" number 76 in its Triple J Hottest 100 of all time in July 2009.

This is another request by PJ. He once told me that, on the 12" record, this song goes for over nine minutes. So you know that when it comes on in a club it's because the DJ is stalling for time because he needs to go to the bathroom!

I’m standing alone, I’m watching you all, I’m seeing you sinking, I’m standing alone, you’re weighing the gold, I’m watching you sinking, fool’s gold...

Monday, July 19, 2010

Song of the day: Your Arms Around Me

Today's song of the day is Jens Lekman's "Your Arms Around Me".

According to Wikipedia... Jens Martin Lekman (pronounced Yens; born 6 February 1981 in Angered, Sweden) is a Swedish indie pop musician residing in Melbourne, Australia. His music is guitar-based pop with heavy use of samples and strings; the lyrics are often witty, romantic, and melancholic. His work is heavily influenced by that of Jonathan Richman and Belle & Sebastian, and he has been likened to Stephin Merritt (of The Magnetic Fields) and David Byrne. In June 2009, reported that Jens Lekman had contracted H1N1 on his South American tour. The song "Your Arms Around Me" appears on the soundtrack of the 2009 film, "Whip It".

I like songs that tell stories, like this song about a guy that cuts off his finger when distracted by a woman. Actually, it's so good that you are getting all the lyrics today!

I was slicing up an avocado
When you came up behind me
With your quiet brand new sneakers
Your reflection I did not see
It was the hottest day in august
And we were heading for the sea
For a second my mind started drifting

You put your arms around me

You put your arms around me
You put your arms around

Blood sprayed on the kitchen sink

What’s this? I had time to think
I see the tip of my index finger
My mind is slowly creating a link
From your mouth speaks your lovely voice
The best comments I've ever heard
Oh honey you've cut off your finger
I bet that’s gotta hurt

You put your arms me
You put your arms me
You put your arms around

I must've passed out on the porch

I'd never seen so many bright stars
When I wake up im in the waiting room
Of the local ER
My hand is wrapped in toilet paper
And my shirts all blood red
I see you standing there like an angel
And I say baby I must be dead

You put your arms around me
You put your arms around me
You put your arms around me

Friday, July 16, 2010

Song of the day: Do You Realize??

Today's song of the day is The Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize??".

According to Wikipedia... The Flaming Lips are an American rock band, formed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma in 1983. The band is known for their lush, multi-layered, psychedelic arrangements, spacey lyrics and bizarre song and album titles—for example, "Psychiatric Explorations of the Fetus with Needles", "Free Radicals (A Hallucination of the Christmas Skeleton Pleading with a Suicide Bomber)" and "Yeah, I Know It's a Drag... But Wastin' Pigs Is Still Radical". In March 2009 "Do You Realize??" was announced as the official rock song of Oklahoma. Ten choices were put to a public vote, and out of 21,000 votes cast nearly 51% were for "Do You Realize??". They are also acclaimed for their elaborate live shows, which feature costumes, balloons, puppets, video projections, complex stage light configurations, giant hands, large amounts of confetti, and frontman Wayne Coyne's signature man-sized plastic bubble, in which he traverses the audience. In 2002, Q magazine named The Flaming Lips one of the "50 Bands to See Before You Die".

And I have been fortunate enough to see their amazing live show. They closed Sunday night at Lovebox in London in 2008 with this song, and it is one of my favourite music festival moments of all time *smiles*

Do you realize that happiness makes you cry? Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast, it's hard to make the good things last, you realize the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Song of the day: Computer Camp Love

Today's song of the day is Datarock's "Computer Camp Love".

According to Wikipedia... The band has released three EPs and their debut album, Datarock Datarock, was released in 2005 in 10 countries on the band's own label, YAP (Young Aspiring Professionals), receiving favourable reviews, especially in the UK. They made an appearance in Australia's Triple J Hottest 100 with the single "Computer Camp Love" in 2005, placing at #12. Fredrick has commented that Australia was the only country to pick up Datarock early aside from their homeland.

"Computer Camp Love" is a parody of "Summer Nights" from Grease, but tells the young love story from Revenge of the Nerds. It is even funnier live, as the band all wear matching red tracksuits and their thick Norwegian accents are more pronounced.

I ran into her on computer camp. Was that in 84? Not sure, I had my Commodore 64, had to score...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Song of the day: With Every Heartbeat

Today's song of the day is Robyn's "With Every Heartbeat".

According to Wikipedia... "With Every Heartbeat" is an electropop ballad. The song runs for four minutes and thirteen seconds in its entire form. It is composed in the key of D major, and is set in common time. It has an unconventional pop song structure, with no distinct chorus. Steve Perkins of BBC Chart Blog praised the song for its lack of a chorus, writing "when you peel this song apart, it's actually very cylical regardless: odd lines are repeated, but carefully chosen as if to reinforce the point that a new line just made. [...] There's a trembling quality to Robyn's voice in this song - as though she could fall apart at any moment but is keeping herself together by sheer force of will - which adds enormously to the fighting spirit of a song that is pessimistic without being bleak."

Angela, my love, this one's for you!

We could keep trying, but things will never change, so I don't look back, still I'm dying with every step I take, but I don't look back...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Song of the day: Ita

Today's song of the day is Cold Chisel's "Ita".

According to Wikipedia... Cold Chisel is a rock band that originated in Adelaide, Australia. It is one of the most acclaimed and revered Australian acts of all time, with a string of hits throughout the 1970s and 1980s and huge sales that continue to this day.

And according to Wikipedia... Ita Clare Buttrose AO OBE (born 17 January 1942) is an Australian journalist and businesswoman. She is probably best-remembered as the celebrity founding editor of Cleo, a high-circulation magazine aimed at young single women that was ground-breakingly frank about sexuality (and, in its infancy, featured nude male centrefolds), and later as the editor of the more sedate Australian Women's Weekly.

When you mention Cold Chisel most people think of Khe Sanh, Flame Trees, Standing on the Outside, Saturday Night, You Got Nothing I Want, Bow River, you know, their big singles. However, "Ita" was Amber's favourite and so it became mine. When we lived together at Spring Hill (one of the five or so times we have lived together), we used to frequent a dodgy bar called Spurs, which had $2.20 pots, $3.50 bacardi and cokes, a VB mural on one wall, old farming equipment hanging from the ceiling, some wonky pool tables, and an awesome jukebox. Whenever we went to Spurs Bar (fairly often) we'd put a few dollars in the jukebox and, without fail, Amber would always select Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart" and Cold Chisel's "Ita". Good times.

Ita's tongue never touches her lips, she could always be my godmother, and though the desk-top hides her hips, my imagination's strong, she's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, I'd like to take her out to dinner, but when I think about the places I've been, I'd probably hold my fork all wrong...

Monday, July 12, 2010

Song of the day: 49 Percent

Today's song of the day is Royksopp's "49 Percent".

According to Wikipedia... "49 Percent" is the second single from the Norwegian duo Röyksopp's second album The Understanding. The song initially was written as "Don't Give Up" and sung in live shows, then was developed into "49 Percent" and "Don't Give Up" was covered by the band The Whitest Boy Alive (of Erlend Øye). The word Röyksopp is a stylized version of the Norwegian word for the puffball mushroom, "røyksopp" or literally, "smoke mushroom".

I saw Royksopp at the Get Loaded in the Park festival in Clapham Junction in London last year, and was utterly disappointed. The tent was too small, the sound was rubbish, and the crowd was full of idiots. I still like Royksopp and I still like this song though.

49 percent, one percent short of half, and less than half ain't really much of nothing...

Friday, July 9, 2010

Song of the day: Tell Her About It

Today's song of the day is Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It".

According to Wikipedia... "Tell Her About It" is a hit 1983 song performed by Billy Joel, from the hit album An Innocent Man. An apparent homage to the Motown Sound, the song was #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts for one week on September 24, 1983, replacing "Maniac" by Michael Sembello, which like "Tell Her About It" was produced by Phil Ramone. The single reached Gold certification from the RIAA for sales in the US. In the lyrics of the song, the singer exhorts a young man to tell the woman he loves how he feels about her before he misses his chance.

I don't care how uncool it makes me, I love Billy Joel!

Listen boy, it's good information from a man who's made mistakes, just a word or two that she gets from you could be the difference that it makes, she's a trusting soul, she's put her trust in you, but a girl like that won't tell you what you should do...

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Song of the day: I Need Some Fine Wine et al

Today's song of the day is The Cardigans' "I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to be Nicer".

According to Wikipedia... The Cardigans were a Swedish band formed in the town of Jönköping in October 1992.Their debut album Emmerdale (1994) gave them a solid base in their home country and enjoyed some success abroad, especially in Japan. It was not until their second album Life (1995) that an international reputation was secured. The band are best known outside of Sweden for their hit singles "Erase/Rewind" and "My Favourite Game" from the album Gran Turismo (1998) and "Lovefool" from the album First Band on the Moon (1996). Its inclusion in the soundtrack of William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet by director Baz Luhrmann secured their popularity.

While "Lovefool" was all sunshine and bubbles and romance and fluff and bubblegum pop, The Cardigans then did a 180 and came out with the darker, rockier singles "My Favourite Game" and "I Need Some Fine Wine...". Maybe it's a Swedish thing, because Robyn's first single was the B105-staple "Show Me Love" and then she went on to release some freakin awesome tunes that were more at home on JJJ.

Angela is a massive fan of Robyn, so I shall cover one of her songs tomorrow. Hi Angela! *waves*

Well here's a good man and a pretty young girl, trying to play together somehow, I'm wasting my life, you're changing the world, I get drunk and watch your head grow...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Song of the day: Alone With You

Today's song is Sunnyboys' "Alone With You".

According to Wikipedia... this song is not worthy of an entry.

I am including this song upon the request of PJ, who is pretty much the only person reading this codswallop I think.

I can't always remember what I say, I can't always take it having to pay, watching you walk, you know you're really attractive, I'm alone with you tonight...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Song of the day: Recovery

Today's song is New Buffalo's "Recovery".

According to Wikipedia... Sally Seltmann (born 1975) is a Melbourne-based singer-songwriter. Until 2009, she performed under the alias, New Buffalo. Seltmann is married to Darren Seltmann of The Avalanches. Seltmann's debut release as New Buffalo was in February 2000 via Ben Lee's web site by way of a MP3 download of the track "16 Beats".

I first heard New Buffalo at a Ben Lee gig (by the way, the biggest karaoke session I have ever been to) when she was the support act, though everyone talked through her entire set. She is a rather quiet unassuming performer. However, I loved her music so borrowed the CD off Jaala and it became my night-time soundtrack for putting me to sleep.

The second time I went to see New Buffalo was at the Tivoli, though I nearly missed it because I managed to lock my keys and handbag and purse and phone in the car. While the engine was running. Fortunately my housemate was home at the time so could let me in to retrieve my spare keys, and I got to the gig just in time.

It is stipulated in my Will that this song be played at my funeral. Seriously! I have also requested Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now", ha ha ha!

Time for beer, checkered cheer, now you're here , I can see so clearly, no more question marks, sympathy cards, it's in the stars, troubled times are clearing, now it's recovery, looks like it's gonna be okay, it's a new day...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Song of the day: Friend of the Devil

Today's song of the day is The Grateful Dead's "Friend of the Devil".

According to Wikipedia... The music was written by Jerry Garcia and John Dawson and the lyrics are by Robert Hunter. "Friend of the Devil" is about an outlaw, on the run from the police. His crime is never explicitly stated. The Devil helps him escape, but winds up chasing him just as the law does; several lines of the song are ambiguous, and could refer to either law enforcement or servants of Satan, such as "I was trailed by twenty hounds", which could refer to either police dogs sniffing his trail, or mythical hellhounds.

Being young and impressionable, I grew up listening to the music that my brother and sister liked, and how vastly different their tastes were! Jackie liked Icehouse and Kylie, Michael liked The Grateful Dead, The Doors, and The Pogues. As a result, I have a rather ecclectic taste in music.

Set out runnin' but I take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine, if I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep tonight...

Friday, July 2, 2010

Song of the day: How Soon is Now

Today's song is The Smiths' "How Soon is Now".

According to Wikipedia... "How Soon Is Now?" is a song by the British alternative rock band The Smiths. Written by Smiths singer Morrissey and guitarist Johnny Marr, it was originally a B-side of the 1984 single "William, It Was Really Nothing". Sire Records chief Seymour Stein called it "the 'Stairway to Heaven' of the Eighties",while co-writer Johnny Marr described it as "possibly our most enduring record. It's most people's favourite, I think." Despite its prominent place in The Smiths' repertoire, however, it is not generally considered to be representative of the band's style. A cover of the song by Love Spit Love was used in the soundtrack for the 1996 film The Craft, and later appeared as the theme song of the television series Charmed for all eight of its seasons. It has since been voted one of the top ten television theme songs of all time.

Local readers, do you remember when Nova radio station started in Brisbane, and for the first four months or so they just played music? No ads, no talking, just music. And an amazingly ecclectic selection of music at that. Driving home from I-don't-know-where late one night, I heard this song on Nova for the first time and immediately fell in love with it. And does anyone remember the time before iPhones when there was a phone number you could call, play a song down the line, and they would text you the name of the song and the artist? Well, I pulled over to the side of the road, rang that number and found out what the song was. The next day I went out, bought The Smiths' "Meat is Murder" CD, and then played it on high rotation for the next six months.

When you say it's gonna happen now, when exactly do you mean? See I've already waited too long, and now my hope is gone...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Song of the day: Float On

Today's song is Modest Mouse's "Float On".

According to Wikipedia... The song was written by Dann Gallucci, Eric Judy and Isaac Brock. Asked about the song in an interview with The A.V. Club, Brock said that he consciously intended to write something that felt more positive than some of his previous work: “It was a completely conscious thing. I was just kind of fed up with how bad shit had been going, and how dark everything was, with bad news coming from everywhere. Our president is just a f-cking daily dose of bad news! Then you've got the well-intentioned scientists telling us that everything is f-cked. I just want to feel good for a day."

My bestie bestie Jaala has declared this to be one of her favourite songs of all time, and I tell you, it is pretty darn good. Jaala went to see them at the Tivoli a few years ago, and as I didn't really know them I wasn't too fussed on going. That was until I found out that Johnny Marr, guitarist from The Smiths (LOVE) had just joined the band and played with them that night. Jealous. I was reminded of this song recently when an Engineer and I bonded over our mutual appreciation of it.

I backed my car into a cop car the other day, well he just drove off sometimes life’s okay, I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what did I say, well you just laughed it off it was all okay, and we’ll all float on ok…

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Song of the day: Night Drive

Today's song is Gotye's "Night Drive".

According to Wikipedia... Like Drawing Blood is the second album by Gotye. All the sounds on the album were collected and assembled or performed by Wally De Backer in bedrooms around Melbourne between 2003 and 2005, and the record was mixed and mastered by Franc Tetaz (Wolf Creek soundtrack, Machine Translations, Architecture in Helsinki). It was featured heavily by Triple J in May 2006 and nominated for a J Award, which, although it didn't win, lent the album considerable publicity.

This is honestly one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard and it would definitely be in my top five songs of all time.

However, when your name is as awesome as Wally De Backer why would you bother creating a stage name?!

And I don’t know just where we’re going, and I don’t care where we’ve been, but we just coast on through, coz while I’m here with you, you know, there’s no place I’d rather be, no place I’d rather be, such a quiet joy, knowing that I’m your pick-up fix, and you’re my favourite boy...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Song of the day: Superstition

Today's song is Stevie Wonder's "Superstition".

According to Wikipedia... "Superstition" is a popular song written, produced, arranged, and performed by Stevie Wonder for Motown Records in 1972, when Wonder was twenty-two years old. In November 2004, Rolling Stone ranked the song at #74 on their list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. The song deals with superstitions, and mentions several popular superstitious fables in its lyrics.

In my first year at university I joined the dragon boating team, and even though we weren't that good and didn't take it too seriously the team went down to Sydney for nationals. We did a little bit of dragon boating, a little bit of sight seeing, a little bit of shopping, and a lot of drinking. Our coach, a rotund ranga funny man called Taz, declared that "Superstition" was our team song and I cannot tell you how many times I heard it over that weekend.

Superstition is also PJ's favourite song, and is being included in this list upon his insistence.

When you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer, superstition ain't the way...

Friday, June 25, 2010

Song of the day: Look Good in Leather

Today's song is Cody Chestnut's "Look Good in Leather".

According to Wikipedia... Cody Chesnutt (stylized as Cody ChesnuTT) is an American R&B and neo soul musician. Many acclaimed musicians count Cody Chesnutt as an exciting force within the field of music. In an interview on MTV's Subterranean, Radiohead's Thom Yorke listed the singer as one of his favorite new acts.

Ha ha ha, that old chestnut!

Listen, I can do anything I want, because I look good in leather, I can talk any kind of talk, because I look good in leather...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Song of the day: Maria

Today's song is Blondie's "Maria".

According to Wikipedia... "Maria" is a song by the American band Blondie, taken from their 1999 album No Exit. This song was Blondie's comeback single, their first since "War Child" in July 1982. In the UK, it was the band's sixth no.1 single, topping the charts exactly 20 years after their first UK no.1 "Heart of Glass" in 1979.

A few years ago I dated a guitar tech and his friend got us backstage passes to Blondie at the Gold Coast Convention Centre, so we got to sit side of stage for the gig. I had a slamming headache so wanted a drink to take some panadol. Lindz directed me to the catering room, where I collected some drinks for him and I. As I was walking out I literally bumped into Deborah Harry, which caused me to make a little surprised shriek noise and run away.

I sing this song a lot at work, as one of the projects is managed by a lady called Maria and her name is mentioned semi-regularly. Every so often I will start singing and not realise it, such as the other day when I was standing waiting for a lift with Bec. Upon alighting at our floor Bec burst out laughing and told me that the lady we were in the lift with was *that* Maria.

Maria, you've gotta see her, go insane and out of your mind...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

43 reasons why I am not a bogan

Okay, this blog entry requires a bit of a background.

I'm not quite sure where it started, but for some time I have claimed that I am 43 kinds of awesome. And I have promoted this at any given opportunity, such as the time that I sent my resume to Nathan for a job at his work and slipped in a little PS on my cover letter noting that they should hire me because of these 43 kinds of awesome.

This story then jumps to about a month ago, just before the first State of Origin game. I had been on a few dates with the Accountant, a guy that I met through a friend of a friend. We had been discussing catching up to watch the game, but then I came down with a head cold so sent him an email letting him know that I would be bunking down and staying in to watch the game.

His reply was not quite what I was expecting: Compared to Amanda who although a bit bogan; least she hasn’t got as many head issues and communications are normal

My reply: I don't think you meant to send this to me, did you?

He responded with a gushing email about how he actually meant to email his friend (hi Rach!), whom he had just had lunch with, and said that they were discussing me in comparison to his last girlfriend.

Regardless of the circumstances (him talking about me to others, him comparing me to ex-girlfriends, him being such an effing idiot as to hit reply rather than forward), the Accountant accused me of being a bogan because I like State of Origin.

In response I have come up with a list of 43 reasons why I am not a bogan.

1. I enjoy witty political television dramas
2. I get overly passionate about pate
3. I cook challenging international recipes
4. I live in postcode 4006
5. I set up share portfolios for my nephews
6. I have a penchant for expensive champagne
7. I always use correct spelling and grammar, even in casual or hastily written communications
8. I rave about a documentary series called Seven Wonders of the Industrial World
9. I bought a large flat screen television without the financial assistance of a baby bonus
10. I give cufflinks as gifts
11. I know the 14 different punctuation marks and how to correctly apply them
12. I pay the full balance of my credit card at the end of every month
13. I don't own a tracksuit
14. I don't have a membership to an RSL club
15. I am 28 and don't have four kids
16. I don't argue over the price of a $7 slice of pizza
17. I bought my own apartment at the age of 24
18. I abhor sneakers and jeans
19. I don't watch Home & Away or Neighbours
20. I don't have a Southern Cross tattoo
21. I don't have a t-shirt or sock tan
22. I don't ride a Yamaha Virago
23. I don't have a spoiler on my car, nor do I have mag wheels
24. I use words like "nor"
25. I don't drink beer
26. I have regional preferences when it comes to wine
27. I don't know all the words to Cold Chisel's song "Khe San"
28. I prefer to read non-fiction books, with the exception of Sherlock Holmes
29. I have travelled to (numerous) other countries
30. I have a job as a well-paid 'Strategic Communications Coordinator'
31. I know the difference between red and white wine glasses
32. I have diversified investments
33. I have a gorgeous Marc Jacobs handbag rather than a tacky embellished Guess handbag
34. I was in the First VIII for rowing for two years, and was Captain of Boats
35. I was awarded a scholarship to a private university
36. I own a marble coffee table
37. I have private health insurance
38. I don't buy my cosmetics from the supermarket
39. I don't own any Ed Hardy clothing
40. I bought my car and motorbike outright, without finance
41. I have a French friend, Charlotte
42. I wear neckerchiefs
43. I vote in elections

Feel free to leave comments with further reasons why I am not a bogan!

Song of the day: Thunder Road

Today's song is Bruce Springsteen's "Thunder Road".

According to Wikipedia... "Thunder Road" is a song written and performed by Bruce Springsteen, and the opening track on his 1975 breakthrough album Born to Run. It is ranked as one of Springsteen's greatest songs, and often appears on lists of the top rock songs of all time. Rolling Stone magazine placed it as #86 on its "500 Greatest Songs of All Time." The lyrics to "Thunder Road" describe a young woman named Mary, her boyfriend, their hopeless lives and their "one last chance to make it real". Thematically, it reads as a nostalgic companion piece to "Born to Run".

Inspired by the American Flag scarf, dubbed "Born in the USA", that Johan and Jim Bob bought me for my birthday I decided to purchase a Bruce Springsteen Greatest Hits CD. Upon listening to it I realised how many awesome songs he wrote and how many of them I heart!

And I know that upon reading this, PJ will claim my love of the Boss as another addition to the list of 43 reasons why I am a bogan. However! My list of 43 reasons why I am NOT a bogan is nearly complete and shall be posted shortly.

So you're scared and you're thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore, show a little faith there's magic in the night, you ain't a beauty but hey you're alright, oh and that's alright with me...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Song of the day: Number 1

Today's song is Goldfrapp's "Number 1".

According to Wikipedia... "Number 1" is an electronic–dance song performed by British group Goldfrapp. The song was written and produced by Alison Goldfrapp and Will Gregory for the duo's third album Supernature (2005). The song is based around a synthesizer and bass arrangement and was written about the importance and meaningfulness that somebody shares with another, despite that it might not necessarily last.

I hate the happy birthday song - it will never make it as Song of the Day. Instead, each year I choose a fun birthday song as an alternative, starting with Jackson Five's "I Want You Back" for my 21st birthday. "Number 1" was the song for my 25th Arabian Nights-themed birthday. Note that this song has nothing to do with anything Arabian Nights.

Goldfrapp are playing at Splendour this year, and I don't care if there are any clashes with other bands, I shall be front and centre for all of Goldfrapp's gloriousness. Love!

Walk out into velvet, nothing more to say, you're my favourite moment, you're my Saturday, cos you're my Number 1, I'm like a dog to get you, I want it up and on, I'm like a dog to get you...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Song of the day

Today's song is A Flock of Seagull's "I Ran".

According to Wikipedia... "I Ran (So Far Away)" (also released as "I Ran") is a song by English New Wave band A Flock of Seagulls. It was released on their debut album A Flock of Seagulls in 1982 and was its most successful single, reaching number 9 in the United States and number 1 in Australia. Along with the Bowling For Soup cover, it was also used as the theme song for the English dub of the anime series Knights of the Zodiac which was later removed from the air during its first season.

This song was requested for inclusion by my friend PJ, who regularly reads this blog and regularly tells me that my taste in music is rubbish. About five years ago PJ introduced me to a hairdresser called Rodney, who gave me a fabulous asymmetrical haircut that he said was inspired by Flock of Seagulls. Unfortunately, the second time I went to Rodney he gave me the Worst Haircut of My Life, and I never went back.

Another interesting fact that I discovered while researching this song is that Jebediah did a cover - so how ironic was it that the Kevin Mitchell/Bob Evans song last week prompted an email from PJ saying I needed to include some good music and requesting this song!

I walk along the avenue I never thought I'd meet a girl like you, with auburn hair and stormy eyes, the kind of eyes that hypnotize...

Friday, June 18, 2010

Song of the day

Today's song is Bob Evan's "Nowhere without you".

According to Wikipedia... "Nowhere Without You" is the second single from Bob Evans' second album Suburban Songbook. It was released on 25 September 2006. The single debuted at #84 on the ARIA Singles Chart. It also reached #36 on Triple J's Hottest 100 for 2006. and was featured on Triple J's Hottest 100 Volume 14 CD.

Bob Evans is actually Kevin Mitchell, front man for Australian band Jebediah! He is super cute and I spent most of the Lily Allen gig stalking him around the Arena.

Watching terrible T.V it's ok all our secrets we keep, I used to dream of broken teeth now I lie awake watching you sleep...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Song of the day

Today's song is Yazz's "The Only Way is Up".

According to Wikipedia.... "The Only Way Is Up" is a song written by George Jackson and Johnny Henderson and originally released as the title track to the 1982 album by soul singer Otis Clay. In 1988, it became a chart-topping single for Yazz and the Plastic Population. During her Showgirl Homecoming Tour Kylie Minogue sang a line from the song as an introduction to "I Should Be So Lucky".

The film clip for this song is hilarious, as Yazz (female lead singer) wears an atrocious cropped jacket and just dances by shrugging her shoulders the entire time!

Boy, I wanna thank you, for loving me this way, things may be a little hard now, but we'll find a brighter day, hold on, hold on, hold on, won't be long, the only way is up, baby, for you and me now...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Song of the day

Today's song is Kanye West's "Jesus Walks".

"Jesus Walks" is a hip hop song by American rap artist Kanye West. It was released on May 25, 2004 as the third single from his debut album, The College Dropout. The song is built around a sample of "Walk with Me" as performed by the ARC Choir. "Jesus Walks" was well-received by music critics, who praised its compelling sonic atmosphere and boldness in its open embracement of faith. It was met by widespread commercial recognition, peaking at number eleven on the Billboard Hot 100 and becoming West's fourth consecutive top twenty hit in the United States.

Some people hate Kanye for his tendency to storm the stage at a music awards show when he feels that an artist (such as himself or Beyonce) has been hard done by. However I expect and look forward to his inappropriate and highly entertaining behaviour!

So here go my single, dog, radio needs this, they say you can rap about anything except for Jesus, that means guns, sex, lies, video tapes, but if I talk about God my record won't get played, huh?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Bulletin of the week

Yamoto 110cc
I am selling a 110cc yamoto dirt bike 4 speed manual. i paid $900 for this bike 2 weeks a go the bike looks brand new and rides like a dream. i am asking $600 for the bike as i need it gone ASAP! please call me to come and have a look the bike is at upper mount gravatt.

Why does he need it gone ASAP?

Did he fall off it?

Did it cause a fight between him and his partner?

Did it come to life as a result of a science experiment backfiring and go on a murderous rampage through society and the only way he can stop the carnage is to sell it on the work Bulletin Board?

Song of the day

Today's song is Rat Cat's "Don't Go Now"

According to Wikipedia... Ratcat were an Australian indie rock band of the late 1980s and early 1990s fronted by vocalist Simon Day. Their combination of indie pop songwriting and energetic punk-style guitar won them fans from both the indie and skate-punk communities. In 1990, the band signed to the rooArt label. Their first release for their new label was a 6-track EP called Tingles. The band's subsequent album, Blind Love, and the single "Don't Go Now" both reached #1. Much of the artwork for the band was done by singer/guitarist Simon Day.

Rat Cat were big in the 90's and then sort of faded out. They played a reunion style gig in at Sydney's Luna Park in 2006, however tickets were sold out before I had a even chance to look at how many Frequent Flyer points it was going to cost me to go down for it.

Well I've been looking around for a feeling, some kind of a sensation, and you know I can feel it all inside...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Song of the day

Today's song is R Kelly's "Remix to Ignition"

According to Wikipedia... "Ignition (Remix)" (also known simply as "Ignition") is a song written and produced by American R&B singer R. Kelly. The song was included on his 2003 studio album Chocolate Factory. It is viewed as one of his signature songs and has been very popular in the United States and Europe. The song was listed at #19 on Pitchfork Media's top 500 songs of the 2000s.

My excited exclamation catchphrase "toot toot" was born from the chorus of this song!

Now it's like Murder, She Wrote, once I get you outta them clothes...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Song of the day!

It came up in conversation with a colleague yesterday that she had never heard of Mel and Kim - quelle horreur! So I have taken to emailing her a song of the day, in order to introduce her to some "classic" favourite music of mine.

Hmmm, it appears I have some sort of fascination with things of a set calendar period, don't I?

Anyway, here are the first two...

Yesterday's song was Mel & Kim's "Respectable".

According to Wikipedia.... Mel and Kim were a British pop duo, comprising sisters Melanie and Kim Appleby. They achieved success between 1986 and 1988 before Melanie succumbed to terminal illness.

They were also responsible for bringing the fedora hat back in to fashion.

Take take take take, tt-t-t-t-t-take take, take or leave it, only please believe it, we ain't never gonna be respectable!

Today's song is Joy Division's "Love will tear us apart".

According to Wikipedia.... Love Will Tear Us Apart" is a song by the British post-punk band Joy Division. "Love Will Tear Us Apart" was written in August and September 1979, and debuted when the band supported Buzzcocks on their UK tour in September and October 1979. It is one of the few songs in which singer Ian Curtis played guitar (albeit somewhat minimally). The lyrics ostensibly reflect the problems in Ian Curtis's marriage to Deborah Curtis, as well as his general frame of mind in the time leading up to his suicide in May 1980.

Yes, a rather dark and sombre subject, but the music is so beautiful and heart-wrenching it is one of my favourite songs.

When something so good, just can't function no more, then love, love will tear us apart, again...

Friday, June 4, 2010

Bulletin of the week

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Breast Pump kit
Superior comfort and efficiency and only 3 parts for ease of use. Kit includes pump, milk storage lid, standard wide-neck bottle adaptor. Still 95% new. Kept in good condition. Delivery can be arranged if picking up is a problem. I have photo's I can email or you can have a look on website. $20.

Yes, it is still for sale. And it is *still* 95% new! And it is still disgusting.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Not ok!

Now, let me start off by clarifying something: I am in no way fashionable.

Nuh-uh, not at all.

I have been in a committed relationship with animal print for about five years, wear long dresses out in the Valley when every other girl is baring her butt in a mini, have a penchant for cardigans, dress in a slightly librarianish sense for work with plain block colours, and will choose comfort over style in 99% of cases.

But there are far worse offenders than I.

The faux leather jacket wearer. HORRID! What were you thinking? A leather jacket can be difficult to pull off, as you need the right cut and a good fit. However, when you replace the creamy, soft leather with cheap, cracked PVC you will just look like a thug from North London.

The too many trends in one outfit wearer. Your overwhelming use of fleeting fashion gives me a headache. The oversized headband with the shoulder pads with the floral skirt with the statement tights with the ankle boots is too much. Coco Chanel was wrong - you shouldn't take one thing off before you walk out the door, you should take off four.

The corporate shorts wearer. No. Just, no. I don't care if they are tailored, I don't care if they are designer, I don't care if they are teamed with tights, I don't care if you have a matching blazer, you do not wear shorts in the workplace. You cannot wear cropped pants in the office and expect to be taken seriously.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Okay, so I just realised that my last three posts have all been bulletin of the week. Time to pull my finger out.

I bought a motorbike! It's a black 1991 Suzuki GN250 and he's name is Rusty and I love him. He's not the prettiest thing, with his flaking paintwork and corrosion on the exhaust pipe and his cranky gearbox, but he's mine! We've been for a few rides around Brisbane the past couple of weekends, and I'm looking forward to some longer rides this weekend.

I got older! I had my birthday earlier this week. You don't need to know exactly how old I am, only that I am still in my mid-20's. And will be for many years to come.

I got tickets to Splendour! And then freaked out when the reality of camping hit home. Fortunately, Tom has said that I can sleep in his station wagon as he finds it too claustrophobic, and Matty has a portable hot shower. Everyone needs keep their phones on them that weekend in case I call up, crying, needing to be rescued.

I started full time in my new job! I don't know why I used an exclamation mark there, except for consistency. It's interesting work, but it is very busy. Hence the lack of blog entries.

And speaking of which, back to it now...

Bulletin of the week

Hair Extensions for Sale!!
I have 3x15cm Chocolate brown clip in hair extension pieces for sale. They are fairly long and probably go halfway down your back when put in properly. Most hairdressers will be able to style these into your hair if required for a decent price.The extensions are 100% real human hair. This means they can be cut, coloured, straightened and curled etc just like your own hair.

It would seem that the bulletin board is now a place to reveal your dirty little secrets.

(PS. I know I've been a slack blogger, more new MumblePants content soon, I promise!)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Bulletin of the week

Java Handmade Lounge
3-4 seater java handmade cane lounge, in excellent condition, about 3 years old but never used as a lounge...darker brown canework and off-white cushions. $500

Uhm, what has the couch been used for then?

Friday, April 30, 2010

Bulletin of the week

Socialise with young couple

My partner and i are looking for fun, active young people to hang with as we are new to brisbane.

If you were really "fun" and "active" like the people that you were wanting to meet, Luke, you wouldn't have to advertise for friends.

Just sayin...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Happy snaps

In response to requests (Suvvy and Nathan), here are some photos of Nathy and I playing dress ups in my new motorbike gear...

How massive does my head look?! And how cool are my kung fu moves?!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Ps. Who is leaving comments under the psuedonym "S"?

It is clearly someone I know, as they have referenced Splendour, but I have no idea who you are...

Friday, April 23, 2010

Toot toot!

Much to my mother's dismay, I GOT MY MOTORBIKE LICENCE!

A couple of weeks ago I did the two day course at Q-Ride and (eventually) passed all the competencies. I wish someone had warned me how physically taxing learning to ride a motorbike would be. Though that was compacted by the unusually hot weather all weekend.

I declined offers of Draggin jeans (lined with kevlar) and full leathers from those who doubted me and thought I would come off the bike. Actually, I did come off the bike, but it was in a rather spectacular fashion! We were practising emergency braking at around 40-50km/h, and while I did it correctly the first few times, one time I stupidly put too much pressure on the back break and locked up the rear wheel. I felt the bike going, but then went into autopilot. I somehow managed to jump off the bike as it was falling and run away! I turned around and started apologising profusely to the instructor, but he was clapping my performance and laughing, saying that my escape was brilliant.

Apart from that, everything else went well. However we only had time to go for a one-hour road ride, so I had to go back the following Friday for a four-hour road ride and to collect my certificate. To be honest, it was a little *too* easy to get my licence...

On Wednesday this week I went into Queensland Transport and got my new licence, complete with smirking photo, and yesterday I went to Morgan and Wacker and spent and entire week's wage and then some on a jacket, helmet and gloves.

There was discussion with friends over what I should buy, with a work colleague questioning the money I was spending on it all. But what price do you put on my pretty face? And what price do you put on having your gravel rash cleaned out with a nylon scrubbing brush without any anaesthetic because your cheap jacket was shredded when you were dragged along the bitumen? So, for the sake of my safety and my mother's piece of mind, I went for the good stuff.

Now MattE and I can go out this weekend and test ride bikes!

And would the person who answered the poll on the right hand side offering to buy me a bike please leave their contact details in the comments so that I can pick them up on the way?

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I'm finding this blog a little one dimensional, the communication a little one-way, and I think there needs to be more interaction.

So leave a comment, make a complaint, put in a request, vote in the new poll on the right hand side of this page, say something!

"Hello? Hello? Is anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me? Is there anybody home?"
Comfortably Numb, Scissor Sisters

Monday, April 12, 2010

Word of the day

dishabille \dis-uh-BEEL\, noun:
1. The state of being carelessly or partially dressed.
2. Casual or lounging attire.
3. An intentionally careless or casual manner.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bulletin of the (last) week

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Breast Pump kit
Superior comfort and efficiency and only 3 parts for ease of use. Kit includes pump, milk storage lid, standard wide-neck bottle adaptor. Still 95% new. Kept in good condition. $50. Delivery can be arranged if picking up is a problem. I have photo's I can email or you can have a look on website.

How can something be 95% new? How can you only use 5% of it? And what 5% would that be? And who on earth would buy a second hand breast pump?

So many questions that I don't particularly want the answers to...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Hi mum!

My dear mother doesn't know how to leave comments on here, so I shall share with you her email response to my last blog entry...

The first motorbike imjury you will receive is the belting your mother is going to give you!!!!! See I do read your blog regularly. PS I still love you

Ha ha ha!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


After talking about it for nearly five years, I am finally going to get my motorcycle licence!

I love love LOVE motorbikes. If I meet someone who has one I immediately try and wrangle a ride. I check out motorbikes as I am driving. Nathan thinks I'm crazy.

And I will be the first to admit that I know absolutely nothing about them. Apart from that I love them.

I was talking to a guy on Friday and he offered to take me for a ride, and then questioned why I didn't just get my licence. MattE seconded the motion when I raised the topic with him on Saturday. And then Sunday at the pub with my housemate's crew of mos two of them said they had their licence and that cemented my decision. Even though one of them had a massive chunk missing from his calf where he'd had a bike accident.

So Monday I rang up Morgan & Wacker and booked in for Q-Ride. The only problem was that I had to pay a deposit and they didn't take AmEx, so I had to borrow the 'rentals Visa. I called mum but it rang out, so called dad and he rather promptly gave me the details. Later that afternoon mum called me back asking what I wanted, and the conversation went like this:

Mum: What did you want the Visa for?
Moi: To pay for some lessons.
Mum: What sort of lessons?
Moi: Motorbike lessons
Mum: What?! Well then I am sure your father did not give you the credit card!
Moi: Yeah, he did.
Mum: We will talk about this this evening. *hangs up*

At dinner that night I got an earful, with mum sternly telling me that motorbikes lead to accidents and injury and death and graveyards. Then she got my nephews to agree with her, so I was told off by her and a seven year old and a four year old.

So, my family is mad at me, but I am so excited that I get butterflies in my stomach everytime I think about it!

Place your bets people - what will be the first bike-related injury I sustain?

Friday, March 26, 2010

Bulletin of the week


Details: Wanted old pram that can be used for teenager to deliver junk mail.

Clearly this teenager has no desire to have s-x, because being seen pushing a pram full of junk mail around the neighbourhood is going to nix any chance of them ever getting any.


Last night I realised just how old I have gotten.

I won tickets to the Barcardi Express gig at the Tivoli. Yes, I won gig tickets again, I'm jammie, I know. The line up sounded pretty good: La Roux, Art vs Science, The Cassette Kids, and Miami Horror.

What we didn't consider, is the sort of crowd that these bands would pull - annoying little 18 to 20 year olds. Guys with ugly bloody haircuts, and girls in super tight and super short prom dresses and heels. IT'S A GIG AT THE TIVOLI KIDS!

Unfortunately just as Miami Horror finished so did our champagne buzz, and with no chance of getting anywhere near the bar, things didn't look good. So rather than let the evening end in violence as I knocked some sense into the two bimbos in front of us that were pretending to be drunk, Nathan and I exited stage left.

The funniest part was on the way out, where a girl was demanding to speak to the manager because she didn't have her ticket and wasn't allowed in, and where a little gay boy leaned over saying "oooh, babe, you're coming out" and did the zip up on my dress!

"Sometimes, when all that's lost remains, drink from the fountain of youth and never age again"
Sometimes, Miami Horror

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Brisbane city observations

Funny things I have noticed in the city lately...

This morning when I got to the RBWH Busway Station I saw that my regular bus was sitting at the end of the platform, where it normally is, but instead of saying "66 The City" it said "Help!!! Call police". And there was a crowd of people on the other end of the platform, just silently standing there watching it. A couple of minutes later the bus behind it pulled out and stopped to pick everyone up, and we all filed on silently and went on our way to work. Wierd.

The other week there was a bit of rain. The temperature didn't drop much, but numerous people felt a need to start wearing their painfully fashionable trenchcoats. Or there were the women wearing gumboots. Seriously, gumboots?! Come on people, pack it away.

My friends know that I love me some designer handbag action. However, I hate the tacky Versace and Dolce & Gabbana crap that so many Brisbane women seem to be toting around in the crook of their elbows. Ugh.

That is all for now.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Bulletin of the week

The bulletin board at work continues to provide me with entertainment.

Each day I find the most amusing new listing and email it through to Nathan and Jerry. Now, I am going to do a Bulletin of the Week listing on my blog.

I find it highly amusing, I hope you do too...



Having got rid of all single beds in the house I have no use for the following:
- x 1 single doona inner, it has a few marks on it so it's Free.
- x 1 cotton single mattress protector $2
- x 1 woollen single mattress protector $4
- x 1 fitted Winne the Pooh sheet $1 (maybe could be made into a set of cot sheets if you're handy on the sewing machine)

Single Sheet sets (one fitted & one flat):
- set of flannette single sheets red, blue & white (soccer design) $2
- set of flannette single sheets purple with pink, purple and blue hearts $2
- set of blue cotton single sheets $2- set of lilac cotton single sheets $2

Doona Single Covers:
- Winnie the Pooh (mainly blue) $4
- Black, red & white $4
- Pink cover with frill edge (with purple fairies) $4
- White embossed pattern with matching valance $7

All in excellent condition. Contact Lisa

Honestly Lisa, you need to put a value on your time.

Consider how long it has taken you to do a full inventory of all of your single bedding (all the single beds, all the single beds...), write this advertisement, place it on the bulletin board, answer enquiries (I'm being optimistic and assuming that you will get any), pack the linen up, bring it in to work, and complete the transaction.

Or you could just put your dirty effing single bed sheets in the charity bin and save us all the hassle.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Grown up

I have recently been making conscious and subconscious efforts to be more grown up.

It started one day in a meeting in my new job, where I looked around at the majority female attendees and realised they all rather grown up hairstyles. Compared to moi, who had my hair scrapped back in a bun. That was when I made the decision to finally get a grown up hair style. I now have a funky sort of bob thing, which required daily blow drying and straightening. Because that’s what grown ups do.

Then there was the purchase of a brand name television. While I was initially happy to go for an el cheapo Celestial brand television, dad and PJ both told me to buy a Panasonic “because everyone knows that they are the best”. So I forked out the cash for a reputable brand massive plasma screen television. Because that’s what grown ups do.

Then I decided that I wanted new sheets for my bed, something in a silver/grey colour. I bought some from Kmart and then returned them as I wanted to get a better quality. Instead, today I went to Myer in my lunch break and purchased some super-threadcount Sheridan sheets. Because that’s what grown ups do.

Other things that I need to cross off the list in my transformation into a grown up:
  • The purchase of and wearing of high heels for work every day
  • The stocking up of my wine rack (with something a bit fancier than five bottles of soda water)
  • Learn how to smile nicely in photos without pulling a silly face
I welcome any suggestions as to what else I need to implement in my life in order to achieve grown up status.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Housemate hunt hell

Ok, so let me tell you about the absolute ball ache that has been my search for a house mate.

After moving back into my two bedroom apartment I paid the exorbitant amount of $49.95 to list the second room for rent on The response has been less than impressive.

There was the English junior doctor who, despite me explaining to get in the lift and come up to level 5, took the stairs and then got locked in the stairwell and had to call me to rescue him. I can't live with a person that needs saving.

Then there was the Indian office worker who couldn't find my massive four-building apartment complex just off a major road and next to a major infrastructure landmark, so I had to give him explicit treasure map-like instructions (stand with your back to this building, now walk 200 meters straight ahead, now turn to your right...). I can't live with an idiot.

Then there was the Malaysian woman in hotpants and high heels, who assumed that it would be okay if her young son stayed over a couple of nights a week. I can't live with children.

Then there was the cute Italian man who only wanted to stay for three months. I can't go through this process again so soon.

Then there was the pocket-rocket Army Reserve girl, who I really liked and asked to move in but she had found somewhere cheaper.

Then there was the construction worker, who was so ocker I immediately knew without meeting him that he had a Southern Cross tattoo somewhere on his body. I can't live with stereotypical patriotic permanent body markings.

Then there was the crazed stalker. I want to give you his name, so that you can steer clear of this loony, but then there might be legal implications. So I will hint at it. His name was Jonathan Generic-name-for-a-feathered-flying-animal. And he always referred to himself by his full name. He came to have a look at the place on Wednesday and said he was interested, but I told him I still had another couple of people coming to look at the place so would let him know on the weekend. He then called me Friday at work, when I couldn't answer the phone. He then called me twice on Saturday when I was driving down the coast, when I couldn't answer the phone. He then called me as soon as I arrived down the coast, when I could answer the phone but was hesitant to because of his persistence. So I sent him a message saying that I was sorry I couldn't take his calls but I was at a wedding (little white lie, I know), and that a friend of mine was going to move in to the room, and wished him luck finding somewhere else. He wrote back "aha ok well your time might not be valuable but that doesn't mean you can waste others". Jonathan, thank you for revealing your true nature and confirming that I had indeed made the right decision in not letting you move in you effing stalker freak.

So the hunt for a housemate is suspended for the time being. I'm looking forward to having a couple of weeks off from the freak parade before I can muster the courage to do it all over again.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tell him he's dreamin

There is an online bulletin board at work, where staff can sell things. And by "things" I mean mainly over-priced second-hand crap.

How about some boxing gloves, that are slightly splitting at seams (I appreciate his honesty) for $25?

Or an ironing board, in good condition, for $30? Seroiusly, how much is a new one? And what sort of cost do you put on the inconvenience and embarrassment of doing the transaction in the workplace?

Or the guy selling comedy club tickets that he admits were a gift, but is still trying to sell them at full cost price!

Or the woman selling 11 nappies for $5? Honestly, why bother?

Or the douchebag selling personalised plates (you know how I feel about them) for a Nissan 350Z - NSN 350? Do you think he would sell them to me knowing I was going to put them on my Mitsubishi Mirage?

Or the person trying to offload a used Nokia mobile phone for $400? Only if you leave all of the text messages where you fight with your boyfriend on it.

Do you need an electric fence energiser? 260 back copies of Ships Monthly magazine from 1987-2009? Some slightly scratched kids sunglasses? Fake Chloe Paddington handbag? Authentic signed Brisbane Broncos 1997 Super League jersey? Clarinet?

There is also a lot of second-hand, hardly used, perfect condition exercise equipment. He he he, fatties!

I think my favourite was the man selling a Club Lock steering wheel lock: "I have had this many years, hardly ever used in the last 15-20 so it's like new (been sitting in cupboard). You can own for $30."

Tight arse hoarder...

Monday, February 22, 2010

Hello, welcome back, hi

So, quick update on things – I’ve got a job with another Government Agency (henceforth referred to as Brisbane Government Agency), I have moved back into my apartment in Brisbane , and I’ve lost 8kg since leaving London .

Okay, now we’re all on the same page.

So over to some random thoughts...

There is a girl at work that is absolutely lovely, but wears her sunglasses as a headband all day long. Is that appropriate for the office?

For the last time people, tights are not pants

I catch the bus to work. I used to eschew public transport in Brisbane, laughing at people on buses, and frequently abusing those blerrie bus drivers that just pull out in front of you. Now I am the unofficial spokesperson for “Buses are cool”. Email me if you want a slogan badge.

I met a guy the other day who pronounced the word tooth as “toof”. I thought it was only the British who spoke like that.

Is it okay to wear leopard print flats to the office? On the fourth day of working there?

I keep forgetting to stand to the left on escalators, to the point where I am annoying myself

Forget Chicago, Brisbane is the windy city - a fact that the man walking behind me today when my skirt whipped up will attest to

My name is Mumble Pants and I have an addiction to soda water

More regular posts will follow, I promise. Including a new weekly special - wanky personalised plates!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I lied

Okay, so I am a crap blogger.

But I don't have much to say. Or, actually, I don't have much interesting to say. Funemployment is keeping me busy as I fill my days with the beach, boring administration stuffs like claiming insurance and doing my tax, having lunches and dinners with friends, being cheerleader for Nathan's netball team on a Wednesday night, inviting myself over to play with my nephews, talking to my sister on the phone (the novelty of being able to call whenever we want hasn't worn off yet), and job hunting.

Do you know what I need to do? Get a job or get drunk. Leave it with me, I'll work on it.

In the meantime, let's pretend this is a weight loss blog for one minute so I can gloat about how I have lost 5kg since I got back - toot toot! A big part of it is mum waking my up early each morning for what I have dubbed "Fat Farm" (aka beach walks and swims), part of it is the heat allowing me to sweat it out, and the biggest part of it is the reduction of alcohol consumed.

So I guess that answers my earlier rhetorical question about what I need to do - get a job so that I can cryptically talk about my colleagues behind their backs in this open forum!

Monday, January 4, 2010


Rest assured that I wasn't abducted by the fat man in red, but have been busy Christmasing and New Yearsing and familying and so haven't had time to blog.

But I shall get back on soon and tell you all about:
  • How my mother has reset my body clock to wake up at 6:30am every day for Fat Farm
  • The fact that I have a tan!
  • The way my two year old niece, Darcy, struts around like she owns the joint
  • How I was "that" drunken Aunty on Christmas day
  • My 4 year old nephew, Joe, who kicks my arse at Mario Kart
  • My desire to become a member of every surf club, bowls club and RSL on the Gold Coast
  • Oh, and that two week Wild European Vacation I've already forgotten about