Shit and apathy

I admit it - I'm a shit blogger. And I am rather apathetic about my shitness, hence this post will just be a lazy copy and paste of a funny email conversation I had with my sister (hi Jackie!) recently.

Jackie: I had to laugh when I read that the oat krunch bikkies were 'deliciously fun'……then I remembered that in Cambodia it's probably fun to eat anything at all. My thought for the month….Nothing healthy comes in a crinkly packet

Moi: Ha ha ha! My thought for the month... Who the heck orders rounds of tequila shots at 9pm on a school night? Despite having the best intentions of being home from Melbourne Cup festivities by 5pm, I stumbled in at 10pm last night. Ugh. xAm

I assume that it was a good day / night though? Any photos (that you are able to share and won't get me in trouble with the work blockout scanners...shit, bum, boobs - let's see if they let that through! Avon however is blocked.)?

No photos - fortunately! Hang on.... nup, just checked the bar's website and they don't have any photos on there, so I am in the clear :) I did manage to embarrass myself by striking up a conversation with this old guy and mocking the bar manager who was dressed unintentionally like a clown, only to find out the old guy was the owner of the bar. He then introduced me to his politician friend, who I jokingly accused of representing the fishing party. On the subject of fishing, I said I hated seafood only to find out the old guy also owns the massive seafood market. Yeah, I'm awesome when I'm drunk.

hahahaha, oh you crack me up. I don't know how you get yourself into these situations but you seem to do it regularly and with ease!

An incorrect correction

I like that the media issues a correction when they make a mistake.

I particularly like it when they make an empty apology for getting it wrong, and point the finger at someone else for making them make a mistake.

And I find it particularly funny when there is a mistake in their correction message!

This one is from the Brisbane Times piece about Deputy Premier Paul Lucas (who looks a little like Jamie 'Sloppy Face' Soward from the St George Dragons) announcing that he is retiring and confirming that he does not colour his hair.

I love my mum

My mum is always forwarding on those emails about angels and friends and life lessons and send this to ten friends within the next eight minutes.

I replied to one today asking, "Mumma, why do you keep spamming me?!"

My mum's response...

Because I love you and need to remind you how precious you are and because I dont have enough to do
Mumma Bear

I love my mum!

Funnies in the news

I'm not quite sure why www.news.com.au has drawn comparisons between these two stories, but it made me laugh!

Saw-see!

It's been a while since I've seen a cheeky news headline, so I would like to thank www.news.com.au for this laugh-out-loud-er!


Yanks enjoy extra sauce with their Weiner

THE US enthralled by a spate of high-profile sex scandals. The only question left seems to be: who's next?

Mr Weiner had for a week held the line that a photo of a bulging set of underpants, sent from his Twitter account to a young woman, might have been a photo of him. But he insisted that he didn’t send it. Yesterday, the New York Democrat came clean. "The picture was of me and I sent it," he told a news conference as he broke down in tears.

Funny photos

Out for drinks in West End recently, Alissa and I came across this guy. I think he looks like Gary Busey in 20 years time if he was sober and living with his mother.

Interpreter required please

In July my friend Nicole and I are going on a holiday to Cambodia. Very exciting!

After booking some very cheap flights to Kuala Lumpur we decided upon Cambodia as our destination. We then discovered that July is in the monsoon season...

One of the activities that friends have recommended is a quad bike tour from Phnom Penh, though attempts to do further research revealed that the tour company's website is entirely in French.

Here are my attempts to translate the website for Nicole.

Killing Fields et villages - $22. Départ à 7h30 ou 12h30 de Phnom Penh. Visite des Killing Fields*, les fosses communes de la prison S21 pendant le régime de Pol Pot. Ensuite départ pour une heure au milieu de rizières et de plusieurs villages typiquement Khmers.

It’s pretty obvious that this tour is of the Killing Fields and villages, and possibly a commune and/or prison.

Le coucher de soleil - $22. Départ à 16h de Phnom Penh. Ce circuit, d’environ 1h30, vous emmènera sur les routes de campagne, au milieu de rizières, pour franchir quelques ponts « exotiques ». Puis, vous profiterez du coucher de soleil au bord de la rivière avec une noix de coco fraîchement cueillie. Un seul conseil : n’oubliez pas votre appareil photo!

Possibly a sunset tour that leaves at 4pm, goes for an hour and a half, something exotic happens and then you have a coconut and a photo.

Le long de la rivière - $45. Départ à 7h30 ou 12h30. Vous débuterez cette demi-journée par la visite des tristement connus Killing Fields. Ensuite, leurs guides vous feront découvrir les pagodes et villages isolés le long de la rivière Prek Thnot. Vous traverserez la forêt jusqu’aux plantations de mangues et bananes, puis irez en jusqu’à la pagode de Kompong Kdol, connue pour ses statues de la vie de Bouddha. Une première approche de la vie au Cambodge!

Guessing this is along the river, visiting the killing fields, and maybe some mango and banana farms and a Buddha statue. I think they are also offering one opening approach to Cambodia?

Une journée à l’aventure - $90. De votre hôtel à 7h, en route pour Choeung Ek où vous attendent les quads. Découvrez le Cambodge tel qu’il est vraiment ! Dans cette expédition, avec des guides professionnels, vous explorerez les campagnes préservées autour de Phnom Penh. En route sur les petits chemins vous verrez ces paysages typiques du Cambodge. Vous traverserez des ponts pour le moins inhabituels, des rizières et des ruisseaux, la forêt de Phnom Tamao qui abrite de nombreux animaux, et surtout vous vivrez des moments privilégiés avec les habitants. Apprenez ce qu’est leur quotidien, et découvrez leurs traditions. L’expédition inclus le déjeuner Khmer pris sur le lac Tonlé Bati, où l’on visitera deux temples de l’époque d’Angkor. Ensuite départ pour le Sanctuaire de Phnom Tamao où des refuges sont donnés aux animaux sauvés des mains de trafiquants ou braconniers. De retour à Choeung Ek, vous pourrez visiter les Killing Fields* . Retour à Phnom Penh vers 17h30.

I’m pretty sure based on the price and length of description that this is the full day tour, or adventure journey, where we might get picked up from the hotel at 7am by a professional something/someone, then traverse past inhabitants and their animals and their traditions and their temples and refugees and animals and whatever a braconnier is, then stop by the killing fields before returning around 5.30pm.


However, I would appreciate any professional French to English interpretation advice people have to offer :)

Funny photo

I have just worked out how to email photos from my phone, so now can furnish this sad and neglected blog with funny pictures instead of my lacklustre musings!

Favourite things: Media star friends

Instead of "Favourite things", perhaps this series should be called "Super cool things my friends do".

My gusband (gay husband) Nathan is an international media star.

When he lived in Brisbane he worked in corporate communications for a rather large powerful company and was always on the radio giving talk back callers the information they wanted. Or giving Madonna King on 612 ABC a curt response to her rudeness.

Now, he lives in London and is starting to crack the media market over there.

The "Lloyds group spokesperson" referred to in this article on The Guardian news website is none other than my Nathan!

And I've just noticed that the journalist's name is Martin King. Coincidence?

Favourite things: Yoga Hypnosis Musings

My darling friend Sarah is an extremely funny person. Combine her bubbly outgoing personality with a intense course in yoga and she is extremely funny to the power of three!

She has started a blog called Yoga Hypnosis Musings to document this hilarious adventure. As she describes it...

My blog might inspire you to try yoga or run screaming in the other direction. Is a it journey? Is it an illness? Is it an addiction? Is it the answer to stress release and happiness? Read on and you decide. This insiders look into yoga from a beginners viewpoint is honest, funny and heartwarming. See? Almost reads like a rom-com.

I hate rom-coms but I love Sarah, so read her blog!

http://www.yogishypnosismusings.blogspot.com/

Favourite Things: apple juice

Apple juice is my favourite.

Especially after I drank a bottle of orange juice the other day and then "revisited" it when I got a 24 hour vomiting bug. *shudder*

And at the end of the sick spell apple juice brought me back from the brink.

With it's delicious clear liquid, subtle flavour and lack of citrus acid, apple juice is my favourite!

Bulletin Board

I have been so busy at work that I completely forgot about the Bulletin Board! A spare 10 minutes just now have revealed these little nuggets of entertainment...

DJ EQUIPMENT FOR SALE
I am selling 2 CDJ's and 1 mixer. CDJ's are Panasonic CDJ200's. Mixer is a Numark M4, There is also 2 years extended warranty left on the equipment which is transferrable. Equipment only used for one gig. RRP $1500, asking $900.

Wow, this guy bought $1500 worth of equipment just for a gig? Or he bought $1500 of equipment just to find out he sucked at DJing? Either way, he's an idiot.


WALLET FOR SALE
For Sale imitation Hermes Wallet! - Dark Brown in colour - Silver Hermes clip - Holds 6 cards - Separate coin section (zip) - Photos available - $25 ONO

You just announced to everyone in the organisation that you are a tight arse who buys knock-offs - good work!

DVDS FOR SALE
I have the following double packs of movies for sale. All in excellent condition at $10 each. Bad Boys & Bad Boys 2 - (Will Smith, Martin Lawrence) Free Willy & Free Willy 2 & Free Willy 3 Hancock (Limited Edition 2 disc Tin) - (Will Smith) Hanover Street & Force 10 from Navarone - (Harrison Ford) Milk Money & The First Wives Club - (Melanie Griffith / Goldie Hawn) Moonstruck & Mermaids - (Cher) The Perfect Man & Hating Alison Ashley - (Hilary Duff / Delta Goodrem) Wedding Crashers & The Dukes of Hazzard - (Owen Wilson / Jessica Simpson) The Crocodile Hunter & He Changed Our World - (Steve Irwin) Rear Window / The Birds / Psycho (James Stewart / Rod Taylor / Anthony Perkins)

Worst taste in movies EVER!


DVDs
Three very addictive TV shows, three very cheap prices... Lipstick Jungle Season 1 - $10 (think Robert Buckley) Private Practice Season 1 - $10 Grey's Anatomy Seasons 1 to 3 - $40 for bundle

If by 'addictive' you mean 'shit', then yes, I would say those are three very 'addictive' TV shows.


FOR SALE - APPLE IPHONE 4
Superb condition 12months old (my grandmother has recently upgraded to another phone). FaceTime – Video calling. Retina Display – 960 by 640 resolution, 3.5 inch screen. 5 Megapixel camera. $600.00

Hold up. So you're saying that your grandmother bought an iPhone 4 very soon after they were released in Australia and she is wanting to sell it (at an over-inflated price) because she is upgrading? Let me guess, she only ever used it to phone church on a Sunday to find out what time communion was? I call bull shit.

Favourite Things: designer friends

My friend Scott makes the coolest t-shirts.

I am amazed by people who are artistic and visually creative, because I can't draw for crap. Even my nephews mock my drawing skills. Scott is crazy creative.

And the men's t-shirts that he designs, makes and sells online and in stores are crazy cool.

Like a minimalistically drawn cartoon rabbit with a smoking gun.

Or a girl with chairs sticking out of her afro hair.

How do you come up with that sort of shit?!

So visit http://www.thomast.com.au/ and buy a shirt.

These are a few of my favourite things

In an attempt to re-energise my blogging, I am embarking on a new series of entries about my favourite things. Because one of my favourite things is a theme! Hopefully my mum likes this more than the Song of the Day series...

I love lists

Things that should not be allowed in the office:

• Shorts
• Too much cleavage
• Thongs
• Sequins
• Any clothing, jewellry or stationary with bells
• Novelty ring tones
• Personal music devices (very rude)
• Tuna
• Bananas
• Ice-cream
• Running

Learn from my mistakes

Well, I could write a hundred blog entries under this title!

But today's lesson is: make sure you close the car door properly.

If you do not close the door properly, the internal light will be left on.

If you don't use the car for three days, this will run the battery flat. Dead flat.

If you are on your way to a meeting, this is not what you want to discover.

Then you will have to catch a cab to and from the meeting at a cost of $30, call your dad and admit your stupidity, spend $140 joining RACQ, wait for the nice RACQ man to jump start your car, drive around for an hour in a thunderstorm to recharge the battery, then spend $50 to get an auto electrician to properly charge the battery, plus spend $15 on a cab to get back to collect your car.

In summary, not closing the car door properly will cost you more than $200, waste hours of your time, and make you feel like an idiot.

Miike Snow are cool

This is a public service announcement.

Miike Snow are an awesome Swedish band.

If you ever get a chance to see them, drop everything, buy a ticket, jump a fence, kick the bouncer in the balls and run, just do whatever you have to do to see them.

I dismissed them at Splendour because I thought Miike Snow was a folky singer-songwriter and so probably went to the Mo-rockin wine bar instead.

But a week before Good Vibrations Nathan was singing their praises (pun intended) so I thought I would give them a go. Funny thing is, I've had them on my iPod for months after Nathan topped up my albums. Lordy lordy, had I been missing out!

And they were fantastic at Good Vibes, absolutely fantastic.

So don't make my mistake peeps, get out there and listen to them!


I won't waste your time with my revelations, hello my friend I see you're back again, hello mystery don't bother to explain...

Oh, hai!

*slinks back in*

Okay, so I lied.

I am a rubbish blogger. But to be honest, it doesn't really matter seeing as I now see my mother regularly and Nathan is buggering off to London so there is my readership gone.

Work is still busy and I am still getting out and having fun. With all of my friends leaving Brisbane (PS don't waste your time watching that movie, it was gosh darn awful) I have decided that I need fun new activities. Nick and I have been mooting the idea of french lessons, dodgeball and me watching him play tennis. In reality, my activities of late have consisted of swimming in the newly-rediscovered pool in my apartment complex, complaining about my air-conditioning being broken, enjoying Sunday sessions by the river, supplementing my very black wardrobe with accents of colour, planning my holiday to somewhere interesting in Asia in July, and working long hours.

So it has been difficult to find time to update my blog lately. I don't have the internet at home anymore, my neighbours have decided to secure their wi-fi, and at work I have moved from my very nice window seat to a desk facing a grey wall outside my divisional manager's office with my director sitting behind me. I am uninspired and closely monitored - not a good combination for regular or entertaining blogging.

I may or may not update this again soon...

A quick summary of recent events

Gosh, it has been quite a while since I posted on here.

Things have been crazy busy lately. I spent Christmas down the coast with the family, saw in the new year with my closest friends and some awesome tunes, danced in the torrential rain at Sunset Sounds, survived the flood and helped others with the clean up, worked long hours in the emergency Flood Communications team when I returned to work, and rocked Australia Day with snags and swims and cider yesterday.

So now that we've caught up, blogging can return to normal! *crowd cheers*